Lotus Fervor
by Lucine Raven
Summary: After a dream, her life gets a lot weirder as she descends farther into the supernatural world. Can she accept the latest change without losing herself? Lost in pain, and self loathing, he finds himself broken. Can she save him?
1. A Touch

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"A Touch"

**Bella**

_"Are you absolutely sure that this is your decision?"_

_"Yes, I am."_

_"And nothing can sway you? You are certain you do not want more time to consider your options?"_

_"Yes. She is the one. I feel it. This is not just about her already present abilities or her innate draw to the supernatural. There is something about her. Something more about her. She is selfless, kind and curious. She is good."_

_"Well, this will certainly be interesting. I'm not condoning your decision. I still think you are being hasty. It took me over two-thousand years to choose you, but-"_

_"This is my decision to make. I will change her whether you agree with me or not. I merely asked for your opinion-"_

_"Yes. I know. Once you make your mind up about taking a course of action there is not a thing that can sway your steps. Of course, I can't fault you for that. It is one thing I truly love about you. That quality, above all others, was at the forefront of my reasons for changing you."_

_"Thank you."_

_"Alright, enough talk. I am eager for you to set everything you have planned into motion."_

_"I just place my hand over her head like this, right?"_

_"Yes. You are doing this perfectly. Now allow your energy to flow into her. Completely bathe her in it."_

_"What an intense feeling this is."_

_"I know, my dear, but you must be careful not to give her too much. Just a little more will be enough."_

_"With every moment this feels… I feel… I have never felt-"_

_"Stop. That's enough! Too much more and you will smother her spirit-"_

_"But-"_

_"STOP! Any more and she will die!"_

I woke abruptly, sucking a massive amount of air into my lungs as I sat up. My fingers worked their way into my sheets, grabbing huge fistfuls roughly. I felt lightheaded like I was coming off of a huge burst of adrenaline. I felt slightly dizzy as well.

What a horrible nightmare that had been! In it, I had been floating up near my ceiling staring down at my sleeping body. It was a terrifying experience because it felt uncannily real. Panic had begun to set in when two beings appeared, commanding all of my attention.

The pair was so strange. They looked mostly human except for the fact that their eyes kept changing colors and they were both glowing. One appeared to be a male and the other one, a female, but only just. It was very difficult to tell because they were both wearing white robes and neither was fully masculine or fully feminine.

I shook my mind off of the dream, allowing the focus to shift fully onto my stomach. What had started as mild queasiness mostly in my head when I awoke, was now full-blown nausea concentrated entirely in my stomach. Without another thought, I flew to the bathroom where I would be spending the rest of my night.

* * *

Charlie kept staring down at me with an unconvinced expression upon his face.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the doctor's, Bella? You're looking pastier than normal."

I scowled at him and almost snapped back at his last comment, but managed to reign in my irritation.

"No, Dad. I'm fine. I talked to Doctor Cullen and he recommended I spend the day in bed. If it gets worse, I promise I'll call him and then," I said, stressing the then, "if I need to go, I'll let you take me."

He looked past me, clearly deep in thought. I waited, keeping my eyes doe like and my lower lip slightly stuck out. When he looked back at me it worked like a charm. All of the fight went out of him and he nodded.

"Alright Bells," he sighed.

I fought hard to not smile at my victory. Well, semi-victory. I really did spend the entire night rotating between bowing over the toilet seat and laying my head on my pillow next to it on the floor. While I may have not felt sick to my stomach anymore, I certainly felt tired.

"But, I don't want Edward coming over."

I looked ready to argue with him, no longer struggling to keep a smile off my face. I thought he liked the Cullens!

"It's not up for discussion," he said authoritatively, but then added, more gently, "Bells, if you have something I don't want you giving it to him too."

I stifled a laugh, covering it up with a cough. The thought of Edward getting a cold was preposterous! Of course, Charlie didn't know that Edward was immune to all illness. He couldn't know that.

I was a bad liar, but I forced my face to fall in response and my head to nod slowly as if to say 'okay, but I don't like it'. It probably wasn't very convincing and I'm pretty sure he knew I had started to laugh a moment ago, but he didn't push it. Charlie had been living around the weird and supernatural for longer than I had, yet, as most sane people were want to do, he preferred to just ignore it. He had simply accepted the blindness via ignorance, which was supposedly bliss.

I wouldn't know. My bliss came tall, dark, handsome and _vampire_.

"Remember, you're home to rest, Isabella Marie Swan. No Edward."

He waited until I nodded again, which he followed with a quick jerk of the head.

"I've got to get going."

"I'll see you tonight, Charlie," I said, probably too quickly, but he didn't pry.

Charlie walked out my bedroom door, shutting it behind him. I listened as he descended down the stairs and out the front door. Shortly thereafter, I heard his cruiser pull out of the driveway. I sucked in a breath and waited.

"Miss me, love?" My angel's voice of gentle breezes and tinkling bells whispered into my ear.

I giggled and turned around to stare into his extremely bright, honey-colored eyes. Good! That meant he had fed very recently, which also meant he couldn't fault me for doing what I was about to do. Smashing my lips to his, I began kissing him with as much vigor as I could muster up. Considering my God-send of a partner, it was quite a lot.

After a few moments, which really felt like only seconds, Edward pulled away. I found myself panting heavily, while he reminded entirely silent and still. Clearly, he had cut off the flow of air into his lungs. I watched him as his lips moved slightly as he struggled between his different desires for me.

Normally I would be very understanding of the measures Edward took to maintain control over his inner beast. Normally I would sit as patiently as possible, waiting for him to calm himself down, for however long it took. At these times I would always very thankful that he was never witness to the havoc his constant withdrawals wreaked on my mind. But not this time!

Maybe it was because I spent last night barely sleeping as I struggled with the worst pain I had ever experienced, second only to that from the feeling of James' venom coursing through my veins. Maybe it was because I was still feeling slightly disconnected from reality after having that frighteningly vivid dream. Maybe it was just because I had had enough of being denied. For whatever reason, I was pissed beyond my normal level of frustration and everything in me screamed that Edward needed to know it.

"DAMN IT!" I screamed.

I had only meant to give him a piece of my mind, calmly, but confidently. Screaming obscenities at him had not been on my agenda.

"Bella?" Edward chocked out.

Surprising myself was nothing in comparison to how much I had shocked Edward. The look on his face was priceless. I really couldn't stop myself from giggling in response.

"Bella?" He repeated. This time there was a hint of worry in the tone.

I barely heard him behind my laughter, which was now up to a loud, probably unflattering, roar.

Edward's hands gripped my shoulders as he stared at me. His voice was shaking slightly as he asked, "Bella did you do something to your eyes?"

Well, that was an unexpected question. It was also very sobering.

"No," I said, very confused, "What are you talking about?"

"Your eyes."

"Yes, I understood that from your question. What is it that is wrong with my eyes?"

He didn't respond. Instead he silently took off into the hall in a blur. When he returned, in less than a nanosecond, he kneeled down before me. He was holding up a tiny mirror from the bathroom. It was titled so I could see my eyes.

"What am I supposed to be looking for, Edward?"

When I starred into the small surface, I didn't notice anything different about my eyes. They looked exactly like my plain and boring brown eyes, albeit the slight redness in the whites from a lack of sleep. I also had bags beneath my eyes for the same reason. As ugly looking as my appearance was, it didn't seem like a cause for alarm.

"I was sick last night, remember?" I snapped. "Some of us don't have vampirism to protect us from getting sick or to keep us looking flawless all of the time."

I scowled at him.

God, what is wrong with me? That was a really low blow! Why are my feelings jumping all over the place?

"There it is again. Look in the mirror, Bella. Really _look_ into your eyes. Can you see that? Do you see what is happening to the color in your eyes?"

I noticed that the brown of my eyes was much darker than it had been a moment ago. I started to panic, and watched as my eyes turned dark brown, to chocolate brown, to a muddy brown, to a light brown and so forth. It was only subtle, but it might has well have been a strobe light with how obvious it had become. Plus, the more I watched the worse it seemed to get.

"Edward?" My voice cracked when I tried to say his name.

He pulled me close to his chest and ran his hand soothingly over my head. I tried to look up at his face, but he stopped my movements by crushing me closer. The glimpse I did get had me feeling even more frightened. Edward's usual calm and collected mask had slipped. He had looked terrified.

"Don't worry, Bella. I am going to call Carlisle. He will be able to help us figure out what is happening to you."

He reached into his pocket for his phone. I wasn't sure if he retrieved it because my head started spinning and my vision grew weak. When I regained control of myself and looked at Edward, I found him in a defensive crouch. He was hissing madly at something on the other side of the room.

I turned to find a cloaked figure. Oh my God! I felt my fear spike as realization set in. The dream from last night had felt so real because it actually was real.

"What do you want?" Edward growled at the being in a voice so demonic that I involuntarily shuddered.

I watched as the stranger reached out with a slender hand and pointed a finger at Edward. Without warning, Edward collapsed to the floor where he laid completely still.

"EDWARD!" I roared as loud as my vocal cords would allow.

I was next to him in a flash, attempting to lift his marble body up off of the floor. He proved to be too heavy, so I settled for holding his hand while I whipped myself around to glare daggers at the cloaked figure.

"What have you done to him?" I demanded. My voice wasn't as imposing as Edward's had been, but I did my best to make sure every word dripped with acid.

"He is fine. His brain in merely in a relaxed state."

If I wasn't mistaken it was a she.

"Why would you do this to him?"

Her voice might have been soft and sweet, but I wasn't buying the obvious act.

"I need to speak to you uninterrupted. He would have deterred our conversation."

I folded my arms across my chest.

"I refuse to speak to you until you restore Edward to consciousness."

She laughed and at a speed, which I was afraid to admit could revival Edward's - I didn't even see her move - she grabbed my arm.

"I am your maker. You will listen to what I have to say."

I felt a soft, bubbling sensation start in my core. It built and built until it felt like I was going to explode. Just before I spontaneously combusted, the feeling blasted out my limbs as the room disappeared from my sight.

_To Be Continued…_

**

* * *

**

**A/N**: After over a week of trying to write the second chapter of "Becoming Isabella" and watching the midnight showing of New Moon (which was incredible) after the special, prior showing of Twilight (what can I say? I'm hooked! Guilty Twilight junkie...) I came to the conclusion that it needed some serious reworking. I had no idea just _how much_ it would demand until this chapter poured out. Basically, this _new_ story has taken the basic outline I had going for "Becoming Isabella", flipped it upside down, translated the words into ancient Greek, splattered them with paint, and got a sex change. And it named itself "Lotus Fervor" for several reasons, which will come to light during the unfolding of this story. Then it demanded its own spot in the fan fiction archives. So blame the story… preferably in the form of a review. Oh, but you can send your compliments via review to me ;]

Wow… _that_ was random… ^_^

**Updated 10/03/10**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	2. Revelations Between Dimensions

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Revelations Between Dimensions"

**Bella**

After my insides finished imploding and my limbs felt normal again, I opened my eyes to take in the strange, new world I occupied. To say I was awe struck, would be putting it too lightly. For several moments, I simply absorbed the surreal beauty of this place utilizing all of my senses to their fullest until I felt my knees go weak and my lungs ache. Sucking in the fragrant air, I collapsed to the ground.

I was in a serene meadow filled with every flower I could possibly imagine. There were giant sunflowers, tiny daises, dark violets, bright tulips, tiger lilies, roses, forget-me-nots, irises and many of those I could not name. Amidst this expansive bouquet of growth were also flowers, which I had never seen or even imagined. One in particular, a small thing with four, perfect petals hovering around a tiny ball containing a swirling black liquid, caught my eye. Its petals, flawlessly white, were swaying back and forth as if they were dancing. I couldn't understand it, but I was mesmerized. I needed to get closer.

I crept forward on my hands and knees, needing to better examine the object of my desire. I was completely enchanted by the exotic flower. _Almost_, I told myself as my fingers reached out to touch one of the pedals.

"My, my, my you are progressing rather quickly! And to think, he almost had me worried that I was making a mistake."

My head whipped around and my vision zeroed in on the strange being from my bedroom. Had she brought me here? And where was here? And what does she mean I'm progressing quickly? And what was all of that about her being my maker? What am I? My head suddenly felt heavy as it continued to fill with questions leading to more questions and so forth.

Her hands flung up to her head as she winced in pain.

"Please, Isabella," she begged, "One question at a time!"

I felt my stomach drop as my eyes went wide in fear. I couldn't deny the obvious. She was reading my mind. But how was she doing that? Edward can't read my mind.

And then a deeper fear clawed up my throat as it converted into rage.

"Where is Edward?" I demanded.

She smiled. I was really starting to hate that smile. It looked so kind, but considering what she had done to Edward, I knew it had to be fake.

"You wound me with your thoughts, Isabella."

Her smile dropped, but I would not feel pity for her. My concern was for Edward and Edward only.

"Well, I suppose that is to be expected. You love him, after all."

I felt like she was toying with me. The woman continued evading my question.

"Where is he?" I yelled.

"Exactly where I left him. He is still in your bedroom, on the floor, relaxing."

"Then where are we?" I snapped.

She laughed and looked into my eyes.

"A place between dimensions, Isabella."

I was really starting to get ticked off by her cryptic answers.

"It's Bella." I _really_ didn't like being called Isabella. "And where would that be?"

She looked me in the eyes and replied, "It's rather hard to explain and even more difficult to understand, _Isabella_."

I felt like steam was going to blast out of my ears. Did she have to stress the Isabella? How rude! And what is with all of these theatrics? What an extremely annoying woman-being-thing-person-whatever!

"I'm am not a woman, a being, a thing, a person or a whatever. I am a physical manifestation of feeling. I am an embodiment of emotions. I am a master of passion in its every form. Some humans call us faeries and others call us pixies. We have also been called angels, though that we are not."

Was the room spinning? It didn't matter. I dropped to my knees anyway and tried to process her—if she even was a _her_—words.

"I am neither male nor female, however I was a woman before I was changed and have chosen to retain that physical identity."

'I am your maker' and her use of the words 'us' and 'we' echoed through my mind. I was not a foolish person. I had a 4.2 average. I had already taken several AP classes, which I had passed with flying colors. I couldn't mistake what those words implied. If she was my maker then that meant that I had been changed into... _something_.

"Am I the same as you?"

"No, Isabella. We are not the same. You are and I are separate beings."

That anger started rising again, but before I could scream some obscenities at her, she continued.

"This does not mean, however, that we are not similar. I am on a different wavelength than that of humans. You are also on a different wavelength than that of humans. You are currently in the process of changing. When that process is complete, you and I will be on nearly the same wavelength."

_Huh?_

"If it would make it easier for you to comprehend then I will label that which I otherwise would not label. You, Isabella Marie Swan, are becoming a faerie."

What? Why? How? Questions once again assaulted me, but this time I easily settled on one.

"Why me?"

"There are many reasons why I chose you. There are minor reasons such as how highly you interest me and how, even as a human, you developed an ability to shield your mind. In particular, however, I have studied how your path through life has sent you into the heart of the supernatural world. Unlike most humans, however, you did not shy away from the unknown, pretending it did not exist. Instead, you embraced it with kindness and total acceptance. You even motivate those of that other world to be kind to one another and accept their differences.

I changed you because you are wholly good, Isabella. You have proven that to be true time and time again."

My brain was reeling. I didn't feel the same nausea from yesterday, but I did feel like I was going to be sick from the weight of the information overload.

"I can see that you have a lot to consider," she said quietly. Resigned, she added, "I will send you back home to do just that."

I didn't think I could speak anymore, but I managed to push out, "And wake Edward up?"

Her eyes twinkled, but she didn't respond. I didn't know whether to take that as a 'yes' or a 'no', but I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. I could only glare as she came closer.

I barely felt her hands on me this time as she transported us back to my bedroom. I barely felt her place me on my bed, laying my head down on my pillow. I could only feel myself shutting down, as my consciousness waned.

Before she disappeared, she whispered, "I will be back to speak to you again very soon. There is much you need to know about your current life path before you can understand and embrace your transformation. Also, I have cloaked your changes from the senses of your vampire and all others for now. I would advise you to not discuss this with anyone until you have heard more of what I have to say." As she winked out, she added, "For now, Isabella."

I couldn't respond, but then I didn't really want to once I felt Edward's cold hand on my cheek. With his touch I allowed myself to relax until I fell into a much needed sleep.

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**A/N**: Will she tell Edward? What else will her maker reveal to her? Tune in next time to find out and, in the meantime, please review :D!

**Updated 10/03/10**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	3. Life Paths and Choices

**A/N**: It's the fateful day. September 13, 2005. A Tuesday. Bella's 18th birthday.

Thoughts others are reading from or directing to someone appear like 'thought'.

Visions of the future appear like _vision_.

* * *

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Life Paths and Choices"

**Bella**

I'm a terrible liar. I have been that way for as long as I can remember. When I was five Renee caught me playing with one of her photo albums. I had been cutting what I thought were pretty patterns into the thick material that made up its pages. When I had heard Renee coming into the room, I quickly hid the album under the coach and tried to act like I hadn't done anything wrong. She immediately snatched it from its poor hiding place and demanded to know what I had been thinking. I told her it must have been the scissors monster. Naturally, she saw right through it and I had my cartoon privileges revoked for two weeks. Needless to say, I haven't gotten any better at lying.

I'm also terrible at keeping my own secrets. My eyes give me away if my mouth doesn't beat them to it. So how is it that Edward doesn't seem to notice anything? How can he not tell that I am lying to him each day? How can he not see that I am keeping such a significant secret from him? All of which, I am doing very poorly, I might add.

Almost a week has passed since that it-faerie changed me into a sudo-faerie-thing. I can't look into a mirror without noticing my changing eyes, which seem to fluctuate with my feelings. I'm also finding that I can sense others emotions and that I feel drawn toward them. It's a very strange sensation and I have scared Charlie more than once by sitting too close to him when he is watching a game.

While he has seemed to be oblivious to all else, Edward _has_ noticed my change in appetite and he hasn't been happy about it. I have been eating half of my normal diet all week, but it still feels like I'm eating about ten-times the amount I need. It's all I can do to not glare daggers in his direction every time he watches me eat.

Why don't I just tell him? What am I afraid of? He's a vampire for God's sake! Am I seriously afraid of what he'll think about me becoming a... a... faerie?

I giggled out loud. I couldn't help it. The idea of becoming a faerie would have sacred me out of my wits if it had happened before I learned about vampires. Now, I suppose I wouldn't be surprised if a hobbit riding a centaur showed up in the woods outside of my house. My giggle turned into a loud cackle. Maybe I am losing it. Am I in shock?

The elder faerie was coming back sometime soon to show me some of my future. Something about the way her voice sounded when she advised me to keep my secret worried me. Still, my birthday party was tonight. Could I really face all of Cullens and still keep my secret?

No, I decided standing up. I would tell them tonight. They needed to know and hopefully they could help me sort all of this crap out.

* * *

**Edward**

My sweet Bella was keeping something from me. She had been all over the place for the last week and it has been very disconcerting. If something was troubling her, I would like her to feel comfortable enough with me to let me in.

Once again, it pained me that I was kept out of Bella's brain. I would love to pick apart her thoughts and discover what troubles her so that I could help her overcome the issue.

She looked over at me and smiled, but it did not reach her eyes. My fingers griped the steering wheel tighter, threatening to crush it, but I forced myself to smile back. She smiled a little wider, but I could still see the sadness in her eyes. I jerked my head back to the road and focused on getting to our destination quickly.

I needed to talk to Carlisle. Perhaps he could help me figure out what was troubling Bella. The man was a genius in many aspects, including his profound ability to decipher the secrets of others. I often believed it was my acquired gift and his innate one, which had bonded us so strongly to one another.

"Edward, I-I need to talk to you. Can we p-pull over please?" She asked. Her voice was trembling and was even more unnerving for me.

I veered off the road to the right. She gasped and I realized I had pulled over a little too suddenly and dangerously for my human lover. I opened my mouth to apologize, but stopped when I smelled something. Knowing the foreign, but oddly familiar scent could mean danger for Bella, I whipped my head around to face the potential threat.

* * *

**Bella**

I couldn't wait a moment longer. I needed to tell Edward about my secret now before I told the rest of the Cullen family. Keeping something this large from someone I loved with all my heart was no longer an option I was willing to take.

"Edward, I-I need to talk to you. Can we p-pull over please?" I managed to stammer out. My heart was racing wildly.

He jerked off to the right and nearly took us into a tree. I gasped and reigned in my desire to yell at him for doing something so dangerous. I knew he would never intentionally hurt me, but that was very reckless and frightening. It was also very un-Edward like.

I saw her before he sensed her, snapping me out of my thoughts. I watched Edward open his mouth to say something to me, - probably an apology - but my focus was on her. Before he uttered a word, he must have noticed her for his eyes turned a dangerous black. He was out of the car in a flash, in a deep crouch growling menacingly.

In a blur, much faster than Edward could move, Grace was upon him. She moved so swiftly that it was if she had been standing next to him the entire time. Her hand moved up and she touched her extended pinky finger to his nose. Like before, he sunk to the ground, clearly knocked out.

"I am sorry, Isabella, but you need to see what your future holds now. It would not be wise to confide your secret in him before you have all of the facts." Her voice was deep and her eyes were extremely dark. She appeared to be more dangerous to be right now than Edward was only a moment again. It was saying quite a lot and I knew arguing would be futile.

I nodded dumbly and took her hand as the familiar, expanding feeling washed over my body, transporting us to that odd, but beautiful place between dimensions.

"Isabella, come here," the elder faerie instructed on the other side, extending her hand to me as she spoke.

I wasn't as hesitant as I had been the first time we were here. I knew from experience that the sooner I gave into her demands, the sooner I could get back to my Edward. So, I took her warm hand and looked at the odd thing floating in front of us.

"What is that?" I asked, motioning toward the translucent, white blob.

"This does not have a name, which I have been able to translate into English. I can, however, tell you its purpose. This items is capable of showing you your future based on your current life path."

I gulped. Before I had always wondered what Alice felt like, seeing her life path stretch out before her each moment. In some ways I had envied her. Now that the same privilege had been presented to me, I found that I wanted to keep my ignorance like a child wants to keep her baby blankie.

"Are you ready to see what you would experience if you had remained human, Isabella?" Her voice had grown gentle, but her eyes had an edge to them. I wasn't sure if that was because she was agitated with me for almost telling Edward my secret or because she had seen something in my future she thought I wouldn't like. Maybe it was a little bit of both.

"Yes. I'm ready," I replied quietly, but with absolute assurance.

I felt her give a squeeze to my hand in a futile attempt at comforting me. It was actually more unsettling, but I didn't dwell on it. All of my attention had been drawn to the white blob. The odd thing had become a screen in which the three-dimensional images in all revolved around me. My eyes opened wide as I watched my future unfold.

_The first took place at my birthday party later today. In it, Alice handed me a present, which I got a paper cut from when I tried opening it. As my blood dripped, Edward slammed me back into a table, cutting my arm really badly. Body consumed by thirst, Jasper sprung toward me. It was only when Rosalie and Emmett got a tight grip on Jasper that they were able to drag him from the room while Carlisle saw to my wounds._

_In the next images, Edward appeared to be very distant. I looked increasingly worried as each day slowly passed._

_I watched as Edward took a picture with me in which he looked so cold and gone. He looked almost frightening. For the first time since meeting him, Edward truly looked like a vampire and I was very concerned._

Tears started slipping down my face as I was punched by the next image. I didn't want to believe any of these things being revealed to me, but I could feel them to be of the truth. In the same way I knew I needed air to breath, I just knew that these were visions of my future. I didn't have to question it. I just knew.

_I was happy to see Edward after our first night alone after an extended hunting trip. I tried to ignore how distant he still looked as I searched for the man I loved. Before I could hug him, however, he asked me to follow him in the woods to take a walk. There, he told me he did not love me and that I was no good for him. He told me he was leaving with his family and that they were not going to say goodbye to me before they left. He asked me to promise him I'd be safe. He kissed me on my forehead and then he disappeared. _

_I didn't fight him at all. I just let him go._

I felt my body fall the floor. I knew he never really loved me. I knew hoping he could love me like I loved him was just a foolish dream. He was a god and I was just Bella, an ordinary human with a balance problem. How could he have ever loved someone like me?

The tears were threatening to drench me, but I forced myself to keep watching.

_I was on the floor of the woods in a spot I didn't recognize. I had tried to follow Edward, but of course I couldn't follow a vampire who was faster than lightening. I rested in that spot for a very long time until someone finally found me in the darkness and brought me back to my house. Charlie was relieved. A lot of people were at our house. Apparently, I was gone for so long that they had a search party looking for me._

The next scenes were even more horrifying than the ones that proceeded them. I felt my heart fill with pain at the sight of the state I had fallen into after the Cullen's departure.

_For months I existed like a zombie. I stopped talking to everyone. My grades didn't suffer and my room was impeccably clean, but I never smiled, laughed or did much of anything. I merely went through the daily motions. It wasn't until Charlie threatened to send me to Jacksonville that I finally "woke up" and started talking to people again._

I watched with disgust at the decisions I made after.

_I went with Jessica to see a movie. After the horror film got out I saw a creepy group of guys on motorcycles. They reminded me of the men Edward saved me from the night he revealed he was telepathic. I went toward them and I got on one of the bikes. One of the guys gave me a ride for a couple of blocks before I realized that Edward wasn't coming to "save me". I made the man let me off and then walked back to Jessica with a huge smile on my face, clearly having enjoyed the rush. She was horrified._

_I bought two broken down bikes and brought them out to the Black's. Jacob and I fixed up the bikes and started riding them together. I acted like a fool, driving mine dangerously and scrapping myself up a lot. I had really become an adrenaline junkie._

I seemed to become somewhat happy when I was around Jacob, but it wasn't enough. I watched as we went through a lot of drama until I realized he, and several other boys on his reservation, were werewolves. Then it happened.

_Jacob leaned in and kissed me. For a moment I was struck dumb, but then I started to kiss him back. I lost my virginity right there on La Push beach the same night we had our first kiss. I was nineteen._

My face dropped as I watched the next set.

_Jacob and I continued our relationship and a year later he had knocked me up. We got married when I was about half way through the pregnancy._

_I tried to make a decent life for myself, but Victoria had other plans. She still wanted revenge against Edward for killing her mate, James. Instead of seeking him out, she wanted to destroy me. Her philosophy was a mate for a mate. So she killed Charlie, Renee and Phil. _

_Victoria succeeded in breaking me. I barely had the will to live, but I knew I had to go on for my unborn child. The wolves continued to track her, but I could never manage to kill her._

_I moved onto the reservation to live with Jacob. Shortly thereafter, our baby, a beautiful girl, was born. The first night home with my child, Victoria attacked. She killed my baby before the wolves could get to the vampire. They did manage to kill Victoria, but it couldn't bring my sweet, little girl back._

I screamed and sobbed, but I couldn't tear my eyes from the following visions of my future.

_Jacob and I stayed together for another couple of years, but our relationship was waning. I had lost my will to live. I started becoming worse than a zombie._

_When I was twenty-two, Jacob came to me and told me he thought he had imprinted on another woman. I didn't even care at that point. I agreed to divorce him that night._

_Later that night, I dove off of a cliff that the wolves liked to jump from. I need an adrenaline rush and I didn't expect to almost drown - not that I cared. I washed up on the shore and one of the wolves, Seth Clearwater, found me._

I didn't have any more tears to shed. I was completely numb as I continued to watch.

_I had severe brain damage from my dive. It was amazing that I had survived it at all. Shortly thereafter, I was placed into a home where I lived for the next three years._

The last scene pulled me out of my numbness as I felt rage permeate my core. It churned, expanded and solidified. I felt like I would burst into flames at any moment.

_Death was coming for me. I could feel it and I accepted it. I was relieved. As I took my last breath I felt a cool hand on my cheek. Edward leaned in and whispered, "I will join you soon, my love." He sadly added, "If only I could follow you to the place you are going." I died at the age of twenty-five, smiling._

"BASTARD!" I screamed louder and with more fury than I had every experienced. My wrath was thick and explosive. I couldn't contain it.

"Isabella-" the faerie began gently.

"NO! He could have CHANGED me! He could have saved me from all of that! His venom could have healed me. How dare he! How fucking dare he!" I couldn't seem to stop. My hands were shaking with fury and I were sure my eyes were the darkest they had ever been.

"Isabella-"

"He just LET it all happen! He abandoned me and yet, in the end, he claimed to still love me! Was I not _good_ enough to change? NO, it was just that I had to have a normal life! Marrying a shape-shifter and watching my baby girl DIE by the hands of a vampire Edward had brought into my life was FUCKING NORMAL? Watching the rest of my family be killed off by that BITCH WAS NORMAL? BASTARD! SELFISH FUCKING BASTARD! Why wouldn't he just change me? TO PROTECT MY SOUL? HE LEFT ME TO EXPERIENCE HELL ON EARTH!" I was screaming so loud that I felt like my eardrums were going to explode.

"Isabella, calm down," the elder faerie demanded. Her arm raised up and I felt my ass collide with the earth.

"I MEAN-"

"ENOUGH!" she commanded. The voice and her dark eyes left no room for argument. The globes were black. Blacker than thirsty and angry vampire black. It was as if her eyes were two black holes, sucking the light from anything they fell upon.

"Isabella," she continued, seriously, but gently, "I know you are hurting immensely right now. Believe me. I can feel your devastation and wrath. At the same time, as much as I know you would like to grieve for the losses your future self experienced, I can only keep Edward in his relaxed state for a certain period of time. I need to get you back soon."

"I don't want to see him right now!" I snapped, almost spitting at her.

"Yes, but-"

"NO!" I growled as I tore my hand through the white blob. I wanted to be rid of the thing that had simultaneously exposed me to the truth and destroyed my joy.

The blob made a strange hissing noise as its edges bobbled in and out. For a moment it moved chaotically, until it steadied itself again. When it was entirely still, an image came into focus. The vision took my breath away.

_I was holding someone's hand. I looked up at him. It was Jasper and he was smiling brightly back at me. Our eyes were both a deep, earthy green._

The elder faerie clapped her hands over the blob and it disappeared from view.

"Wait! What was that?" I asked quickly, wanting to see it again. I had looked so happy with Jasper of all people. Why?

"Nothing," she insisted quickly.

"No. It was _something_. What was that?" I demanded.

"Isabella-"

"Please," I begged.

"This was not supposed to happen, Isabella. You have changed everything," she grumbled.

I would not back down until she finally gave in.

"That was a glimmer from a different, possible life path you can take if you decide not to complete your transformation."

I looked at her with large, questioning eyes.

She sighed and played with the ends of a strand of her long, flowing blond hair. I noticed, for the first time, that it was almost white, and glowed faintly along with the rest of her body.

After an extended pause, she continued, "Occasionally, when one begins the process of changing into a faerie, he or she chooses to never fully make the change. It is possible to remain in the state between faerie and human indefinitely."

If it was possible, my eyes opened even wider.

"I must warn you, however, Isabella, that such a decision does not come without its consequences."

"Tell me," I begged, intrigued by this new possibility. Would I be able to keep close to my family if I took that option?

Again, she sighed. "There are several consequences one must endure when choosing to remain half-fae. First, you will live indefinitely, which means you will outlive all the people in your life. Even your vampire friends are not entirely immune to death, as you now are. The only possible way for you to cease to exist is to become full-fae. Only then, if you so chose it, could you un-think yourself, rendering yourself nonexistent."

I ignored all the bizarre questions bouncing around in my brain, instead going for the obvious. The most simple.

"Couldn't I just make the choice to change fully at any time?"

She shook her head. "No. Unfortunately, you can only make the full change sometime before the completion of your first year as a half-fae."

That's strange. Vampires are only newborns for a year as well.

"I forgot how observant you are," she smiled as she read my thoughts. "There is a reason for that, but I will have to tell you that particular story at another time."

Now, as I was saying, secondly, you will find that human food will become increasingly less appetizing until it becomes absolutely impossible to digest. As this happens, emotions from others will become easier and easier to read. During this process, you will begin to draw those emotions you feel into yourself. This is because we feed off of emotions, Isabella. The fae can, however, learn how to generate our own emotional food in time. Unfortunately, one who is stuck between existences must feed from the emotions of other sentient beings permanently."

I was about to ask if I could feed off the emotions of animals aloud, but she beat me to it with an answer. It was going to take awhile to get used to having all of my thoughts read. No wonder the Cullens were so agitated all time time.

"You cannot feed off the emotions of animals. Animal emotions are actually instinctual in nature. Human emotions are much more complex and it is this kind that your body reacquires. I must warn you that human emotions are also manifold and that those subtle variations will affect you immensely. It will be hard to control yourself and not be affected by the feelings of those around you." She added sadly, "This is not an easy path to walk, Isabella."

When she was sure that I wasn't going to interrupt again, she continued. "Finally, as a half-fae, you will retain your human wants and desires. Furthermore, very much like a vampire, you will find that you have a much deeper access to your mind. Your senses will continue to improve, becoming even more acute than those of your vampire friends. You will also be able to think dual thoughts at one time and you will have a perfect, photographic memory. For one who is still half-human, this will be extremely overwhelming and will take an colossal amount of willpower and patience to learn to control. It is very possible that you could lose yourself into your mind frequently during this process of development."

I was hyperventilating. No, I was past hyperventilating. I'm not sure what point I was at exactly, but I was pretty sure I was about to pass out.

She placed a hand on my shoulder. I felt a calming feeling enveloped me. My breathing slowed down and I found myself able to think straight again. Panicking about this was not an option. Besides, I could have a melt down later when nobody was looking.

"If I become full-fae can I remain close to my family?"

She looked uncomfortable, which was answer enough.

"Alright," I began hesitantly and then proceeded to ask the questions that I had been gathering during her explanations. "I have exactly one year to decide whether or not I'll be making the full change?"

"Yes."

"If I do decide to make the change, how do I go about it?"

She smiled. "If you decide to become full-fae I will know and I will be there to help you to make the transition."

I nodded and continued. "How much longer can I eat human food?"

"Perhaps a week at the most. It will not, however, satiate you any more. By the end of that time, your body will no longer accept human food at all."

I didn't want to think about what that meant so, instead, I continued on with this demented game of twenty-questions.

"Can I sleep?"

"Yes, but you do not need to do so and it will not be the same for you. When you do slip into a sleep-like state, you will be consciously aware of your spirit leaving your body. This is very useful if you wish to explore the world outside of your physical self."

Another thing I don't want to think about right now. Great!

"Umm..." I continued nervously, "will my eyes continue to change colors with my feelings?"

"Your eyes will reflect your emotions subtly, as you have seen, but you will not completely lose your eye color as I have. There is a complicated reasoning behind this, which I will not go into right now. I will, however, teach you very soon how to shield this from others by yourself. It is rather draining for me to do this for you."

"Thank you," I replied hesitantly and then continue with, "Will I glow like you?"

"Yes, you will, but it will only be visible to others in the moonlight. Furthermore, this is not something you can shield, which is why I will recommend that you stay out of the moonlight unless you wish to reveal your true nature to another."

Interesting. That was kind of the reverse of vampires who sparkle in the sunlight. I wondered what that meant.

I looked up at her and she was frowning. I decided not to bring up anything about vampires until another time.

"Do I have abilities? You said I had already developed a shielding ability as a human."

She smiled brightly and her voice was cheerful when she said, "This is a very expansive subject, which we will discuss in more depth later. For now, Isabella, let me tell you that, yes you do have many abilities. These abilities will continue to sprout up in time and expand. They would also increase immensely if you chose to become full-fae."

"And they are?"

"Your ability to shield your mind will strengthen. You could learn to block all the mental powers of others out. I am not sure, however, how powerful this will become because you are the first human I have met who had such an ability prior to the transformation."

You will develop the ability to shield your body as well. It is because of this ability that your body will become impenetrable. Even when your spirit leaves your body, if you decide to sleep, your body will remain guarded."

You will begin to read others thoughts. Unlike the full-fae, however, you will only be able to read a person's surface thoughts. This refers to what a person is currently thinking. I believe Edward has this gift. With this ability, you will also be able to block other full-fae and half-fae from reading your thoughts."

_'_You will not, however, be able to read a full-fae's or half-fae's thoughts unless he or she allows you do so,_' _She whispered in my mind. It was a very disconcerting feeling, having her voice in my head.

_'_We will practice with this more,'She added, before resuming her explanations out loud.

"Your speed and strength will increase immensely as well. Your most precious and dangerous new gift, however, will be your ability to awaken, as we call it. You see, Isabella, a full-fae has the ability to bless something, which has died or is in the process of growing with fresh life. We can awaken those freshly killed, be they human, animal, plant or some other form of life. A half-fae, however, cannot give life to that which is complex. You will find that you can awaken plants and very little else, but be warned, this ability has its own set of consequences. The rules of awakening will be something I will teach you over time and you must obey them religiously."

I tried to think of other questions to ask, but I felt too drained. It just felt like too much and as much as I feared this change and wanted to continue to hate having it forced upon me, I realized I couldn't bear the alternative. If this had not happened, Edward would abandon and betray me. Jacob would too. In fact, the entire Cullen family would abandon me. Victory would kill my parents and my daughter. Eventually I would lose my sanity and would die at the young age of twenty-five.

On one hand, I could become full-fae now and relinquish all of this pain. I could start a new life, wherever my maker would take me. I would even have the frightening ability to un-think myself, if I so chose to. On the other hand, I didn't feel ready to entirely give up my humanity just yet. The visions she showed me, especially the glimmer from my new life path, made me realize that I had a lot to consider. I just wasn't ready to choose.

I spoke quietly, but firmly. "Please send me back now. I am not ready to choose yet."

She nodded and smiled. She appeared to be expecting this.

I took her hand and again, we traveled from the place between dimensions back to my reality. I sat down in the car, buckled myself up and waited for her to bring Edward back to consciousness. She disappeared without leaving a trace of her presence behind as he came to. Oddly enough, he couldn't even tell that any time had passed. I flicked my eyes toward the clock and noticed that, in fact, no time had passed. Not a minute. Apparently that faerie's place between dimensions was outside of time. Just thinking of that made me feel lightheaded.

"Bella," he spoke softly, pulling me from my thoughts. He used a tone, which used to make me swoon. Now, I found that I was fighting hard not to cringe. "What is it that you would like to tell me?"

'Tell me what you are hiding from me,'He mentally demanded.

I blinked and struggled to not gulp. Apparently, I was starting to hear other's thoughts already. It was unfortunate, as his words were not a welcoming introduction to my new gift. While outwardly Edward seemed entirely calm and patient, inwardly he was in a demonic rage. To say the least, his mental voice was extremely frightening.

"Um." I forced a smile. "It's nothing. I just wanted to ask if you broke your promise to me and wasted money on a present."

'She is lying. What is she keeping from me?'

I realized in that moment that my cover-up this week was no more successful than any attempt I had ever made at lying and deceiving another in the past. Even as a half-fae, I was still a terrible liar. That thought should have been upsetting, but instead I found it made me a little happy. At least everything was not changing. As it were, I would take any piece of normal that I could get at this point.

"Of course not," he smiled back and, if I didn't know he was lying, I would have believed everything was fine. Fucking bastard! I could feel my anger building.

"Great. Can we get going then?" I almost snapped.

"Was there anything else?" he questioned at the same time he thought, 'I am going to find out what you are keeping from me, Isabella Marie Swan!'

Involuntarily I shivered. If I didn't hate this asshole so much for what he would have done to my future, human self, I could have felt some sympathy for him. People can be very different internally and I realized he had had to bare witness to that for over a century. As it was, however, I couldn't even muster up an ounce of pity for the vampire.

Thoughts of the baby girl I would have had with Jacob, dead by Victoria's hand, continued to assault my brain. The knowledge that Edward's introduction in my life lead to that outcome, was one I could not ignore. Even though the child hadn't come into existence, I couldn't seem to suppress the feeling of loss watching her die had left me. And I blamed him.

'She seems fearful. Is she afraid of me?'

I forced myself, as much as it pained me to do so, to lean in and kiss him on the cheek. It was the first time since I had been near Edward that such close contact with him did not set my heart racing. Instead, I found that my stomach dropped and I had to push my sudden nausea down.

"Can we go to my party?" I asked as sweetly as I could, but I was sure it came out strained.

He nodded, quickly pulled back onto the road and sped toward the Cullen's secluded house in the woods. With every passing moment as we grew closer to our destination, I found my dread building. I had a major decision to make. I knew what I would choose, but that did not stop my wondering. Would it be the right one?

* * *

**Jasper**

I felt her large, tumbling mixture of emotions before I saw her. She exuded apprehension, nervousness and annoyance. The first, undoubtedly, had to do with the occasion. The second was pretty much a signature Bella emotion. The last had to do with my wife forcing a lavish party with gifts upon her. Bella would have preferred to have the day be mulled over and treated just like any other.

I wasn't surprised that Bella felt those three emotions. What I didn't anticipate to be pouring from her was the addition of fear, indecision and crushing sadness. I was also blown away by an incredible, expanding rage, which I had to fight to not spread throughout the room.

Inwardly, I was in turmoil. The vampire in me piped up at the signs of her weakness. The solider in me, on the other hand, began analyzing her emotions from all different angles and determining her possible reasons for having them. Was she planning on whether or not to do something to my family? Was that why she felt the indecision, rage, fear and sadness? Meanwhile, the man in me felt himself pulled down by her overwhelming sadness. It was almost unbearable and I struggled to not flee the room.

Edward growled softly so that Bella, who was being gently ushered into the living room by his hand on her back, couldn't hear. Clearly he did _not_ like where my mental musings were going.

'Stay out of my head, then! I am merely trying to anticipate any possible threat to our family.'

He glared at me and I remembered that he, as well as Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett, already considered Bella to be a Cullen. A human girl as an actualy member of a family – no, a coven of vampires! I never thought I'd see the day.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice squealed as she threw her arms around her best friend. My wife's voice almost drowned out the second growl Edward had thrown in my direction.

_'_She smells exceptionally tasty today,_' _I screamed at him, just to annoy him further.

I felt his anger, promising that he would avenge her honor after the party, cover me. For about the millionth time since I had met Edward, I wished I had privacy in my own brain. I was more than ready for the fight.

'When the human is finished here then it is just you and I. Outside. I'm going to-'

My thoughts stopped as they were cut off by an overly intoxicating smell: salty sweetness. Bella's blood! The venom was pooling in my mouth. I was sure that I was drooling, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. I wanted Bella's blood. Now.

"NO!" I heard Edward growl and Alice whisper simultaneously.

I watched him fling Bella backwards, where she collided with a glass table. He had succeeded in turning her miniscule paper cut into a long gash down her arm. Her sweet blood that had been dripping down her finger was now pouring down her arm. I didn't want her blood anymore. I _needed_ it.

Emmett slammed into me, but he did not remove the object of my desire from my view. I continued to fight to get to her and drink her dry. I slashed at him until my eyes connected with Bella's. In that moment, my awareness of everything else halted.

_What?_ I found that the question permeated my core and beat the beast inside back down. Why did she look so calm? I reached out to feel her emotions and sensed acceptance mixed with that heavy sadness. Why was she not afraid? Outraged? Shocked? In tears? More importantly, why did she look like she knew this would happen?

Reality came crashing back down on me when Bella turned to Carlisle. He was picking the shards out of her arms. While Carlisle tended to Bella, I found myself being dragged out of the house by Rosalie and Emmett. I could feel their shock, probably in response to my sudden rag-doll state. Only seconds ago, I had been trashing against their hold to get to Bella's blood. The temptation had not been entirely removed and they were surprised that I had reigned my vampiric instincts in on my own.

As we moved entirely out the door, I painfully absorbed Alice's sadness, rage and disappointment. I couldn't bring myself to tune into Edward, Esme or Carlisle after that incident. Instead, I shut down and allowed myself to be carried out into the woods.

As I allowed myself to be carried, the memory of Bella's eyes swirling through my mind. It disturbed and yet fascinated me. She was keeping asecret. Of this, I was certain.

_To Be Continued…_

* * *

**A/N**: Poor Bella! Poor Jasper! Stupid Edward!

Here is an extra, long 11 page chapter for you. *Squeal* I can't wait until I write the next chapter. But, *sigh* it would be really great and encouraging to get some feedback via a review or two :[

**Updated: 10/04/10**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	4. Changing September 16, 2005

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Changing September 16, 2005"

I watched the second hand of the walk clock in the kitchen tick slowly. It was a Friday. No, it was _the_ Friday, September sixteenth. In knew the Cullens would already be gone and that Edward would be showing up soon to break the news to me. That bastard!

My mind drifted over the events of the last several days. I glanced down at my arm, which Carlisle had stitched up after removing all of the glass shards lodged in it. Silently, I thanked my maker for not changing me a day sooner. The stitches had popped right out shortly after I got home and the wound had completely closed up by the next morning. I didn't even have a scar. As a matter of fact, all of my past scars, including the bite mark from James, had completely disappeared.

After Edward dropped me off at home the night of my disastrous birthday party, we decided to spend the night apart. He had been reluctant to do so, but I was able to play on his guilt from the incident to keep him away. Just to be on the safe side, however, I had closed and locked my window. He truly was an asshole, - I didn't question it - but he had always respected my privacy when I made it undeniably obvious that I wanted to be alone.

I still had yet to unlocked my window.

On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I made sure to wear a long sleeved t-shirt and pants. Currently, I had on a navy blue hood, which hid everything. I couldn't have Edward discovering the disappearance of my scars. As far as I was concerned, the sooner the bastard left, the better. If he discovered my secret, then he just might decide to stick around and try to "help".

After my failed birthday party I struggled to appear joyous when Edward was around. I consistently had to tell myself to behave like the old me, ignorant of the true Edward behind his masks and bullshit. If I couldn't keep my anger and disgust off of my face, Edward would continue to suspect me of a hiding something. Fortunately, after the birthday incident with Jasper, Edward's thoughts were entirely focused on the conversation we would be having later today. He barely took a moment to focus on anything else. Convincing himself to go through with it was killing him. If I didn't hate him so much, I would have felt sorry for him.

On Tuesday, none of the Cullens went to school. After school that day, I decided to surprise Alice by showing up and asking to go on a shopping trip. I needed to listen into her thoughts to understand why all of the Cullens would leave without saying goodbye. I really thought I had meant something to them, apart from my being with Edward. Unfortunately, Alice decided to have a very uncharacteristic moment that day. She shocked me by saying she wasn't up to shopping. After some work on my part, she agreed to take a short walk with me.

During our walk, I learned from Alice's thoughts that she would miss me terribly and almost hated Edward for his decision. In addition, I was surprised to discover that she would leave Jasper behind on Thursday when everyone Cullen except Edward would be leaving. They had already signed the divorce papers. It was something she had been planing for awhile. The attempt he made to attack me on my birthday has been the final straw. She couldn't handle his inability to assimilate to her vegetarian lifestyle any longer.

I couldn't believe that Alice was leaving – no, had already left – Jasper! I disagreed with her reasoning and I vowed that I would go see if he was still at the Cullen's house in Forks right after Edward left. Besides, the last image from the white blob was still fresh in my brain. I needed to know what it meant. What did - _could_ - Jasper mean to me?

Judging from Alice's visions, which I was now privy to, she continued to see my future based on the decisions of the Bella who would have been. It was as if the half-faerie, half-human Bella did not exist, which suited me just fine. Again, I had silently thrown a thanks up to my maker.

All of the Cullen "children" didn't attend school on Wednesday or Thursday either. I didn't get to see Emmett or Rosalie one more time before they left, which really expanded the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had learned from Edward's thoughts that Emmett and, much to my complete shock, Rosalie were both extremely angry at Edward for his planned abandonment of me. He vehemently disagreed with their protests, which were actually very passionate and many in number. I had expected something like that from Emmett, but not Rosalie.

By the end of the week, I decided that I would miss all of the Cullens, minus Edward and Alice. Okay, maybe I would miss Alice a little bit, even if she was acting like a bitch toward Jasper, but not Edward. A thousand years wouldn't be enough time away from Edward as far as I was concerned.

A soft knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. I felt my eyes burn with anger as my hand crushed the ceramic mug I had been drinking hot chocolate out of. Fortunately, I had finished the completely unsatisfying drink already, so only dust and broken bits scattered across the table.

"One second!" I yelled.

Of course Edward, being his disrespectful self as usual, ignored me. He opened the door and ran straight into the kitchen. Thankfully, my physical shield was strengthening and I didn't have a single cut on me. There wasn't anything to justify his worry.

"What happened, Bella?" He demand. My hand was already in my pocket, whipping the ceramic dust off as I scrambled for an excuse to explain the situation. Did he always sound so condescending?

"Your knock scared me and I dropped my mug," I replied softly, dropping my head like I would if I were actually embarrassed.

'I hope Bella can cease being a danger-magnet once I leave.'

I wanted to yell that I wasn't really a danger magnet until he came into my life, but I couldn't. For one, responding to his thoughts would really blow my cover. Secondly, he had saved my life more than once in the past and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't discount that entirely. Plus, I always had been kind of a disaster waiting to happen. So, instead of letting my anger get the best of me therein ruining my plans, I forced my head to stay down.

Edward reached out and quickly cleaned up the pieces of the shattered mug. Normally, his hands would have been a blur, but by now I had found that I could follow his movements pretty well. His speed only seemed slightly fast-forwarded to my eyes.

"Will you take a walk with me?" He asked. He was using his distant voice, which I had grown accustomed to over the last several days.

I nodded.

I watched Edward place a note down on the counter from the corner of my eye. I stifled my desire to shred it to pieces and instead followed him out of the house.

Edward took the lead as we entered the woods surrounding my home. I followed silently, deep in thought. It dawned on me how ironic and fucked up his choice of place had been. Edward had confessed his love to me in these very woods. Now, in the same place, he was going to tell me that his love had all been a lie. It was like deciding to dump a fiancee at the place of the proposal. He really was a monster, past the vampire beast. The man in him was an absolute monster.

After we had walked for a couple of minutes, Edward stopped.

"Bella, we're moving," he began.

I knew how this was supposed to go. Like Edward, I had been preparing for this conversation over the course of the last several days. I had my lines memorized. I could say them in my sleep and was glad I had kept him locked out because I probably did. Regardless, at the moment of the actual performance, I found that I just couldn't stick completely to the script of the naive, human Bella. Too many emotions were at battle within me to play that part fully.

Damn, Bella, don't fall apart now. Don't you dare.

"I'm assuming you mean yourself and the rest of the Cullens?"

He nodded. His eyes were starring at the ground just past me. The coward couldn't even look me in the eyes when he did this.

"When?" I made myself sound curious and hurt, even though I was all but.

"The rest have already left. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"So you're breaking up with me?" My voice was cold. I know I should have been playing up how devastated I was supposed to be, but I just couldn't manage it.

His eyes connected with mine and for a moment my heart sank as I saw how blank they had become. I began to reach for his thoughts, but I already knew what I would find there. I needed to keep it together. As much as I hated him, a part of me still felt something for him, which I wasn't ready to identify. I couldn't feel sympathy for him right now. I just couldn't.

"Bella, you're no good for me. I'm tired of playing human," he said, the emptiness in his eyes filled with anger and determination. In his mind, he knew he had to make this believable.

"Then you don't love me?" My voice cracked a little when I said it. I was surprised to find that saying those words aloud actually stung.

"Yes, I don't love you. I am sorry for deceiving you for so long."

I jerked my head once up and down.

"Bella, can you just promise me one thing before I go?" He begged, shattering the silence that had claimed us both.

I jerked my head again.

"Will you promise me that you won't do anything reckless?"

His voice was shaking. How did the human me miss all of this? No. I knew the answer. I had always believed that I wasn't good enough for him. I'm not surprised that I was so blind to all the signs that pointing to his blatantly obvious breaking heart. The human me had seen what I accepted as truth. I had truly believed that Edward never loved me.

I nodded halfheartedly. My thoughts were elsewhere. Besides, I didn't have any intention of hurting myself. In fact, pretty soon I wouldn't even be able to hurt myself. I would be more indestructible than Edward. Suddenly I was feeling kind of light-headed and Edward's next thoughts didn't help to alleviate that.

'You have to leave. Leave her now. This is killing me, but I have to do this for her sake. She deserves a normal life.'

His eyes dropped again and I felt my anger resurface. I could have killed him. As a matter of fact, I probably could have _actually_ killed Edward Cullen. Regardless, as much as I hated him, I knew that deep down I really didn't have it in me to dismember Edward's body and chuck the pieces in a fire. Maybe the first, but not the later.

It was a nice, distracting thought and I found myself struggling to not smile.

"I will promise you one thing in return," he said, and then added, with a reinforced hardness so as to not betray his feelings, "This will be the last time you ever see me. It will be like I never existed. I swear it."

He moved in to kiss my forehead, but I turned my back to him. I couldn't have him touching me right now. Damn the script!

'I didn't see her do this in Alice's vision. Maybe my coldness toward Bella this week succeeded in pushing her away. _Good_. Maybe she will heal and move on sooner. Not that I will know for certain. I can't come back. Ever. This is my final goodbye.'

I was glad he didn't question my actions any more than that.

'I love you,' he called mentally.

I wanted to spit back that I thought he was a coward and a bastard who had a demented understanding of love, but I refrained from saying anything. Instead I took a deep breath and when I turned back around, he was gone.

A few tears slipped down my cheeks. I wouldn't actually cry for Edward, but I couldn't completely obliterate my compassion for him. I knew – somewhere in the back of my mind, of course – that Edward really did think he was doing what was the best for me. His perspective on what that was was wrong and twisted. Then again, he was Edward.

Bastard! He won't even let me hate him! Damn.

* * *

My head rested comfortably back on my pillow. I was lying down on my bed, thinking. Edward had left about ten minutes ago and I was assuming that he was already on his way to the Cullen's new home. I knew from reading his thoughts this week that Alice would be driving his Volvo and Esme would be driving his Vanquish. He would be running there to join them while he tried to decide what to do with himself.

I had waited all of a minute before turning back to the house. When I got back, I immediately shredded the note Edward had left. I was written in a handwriting that was almost a perfect copy of my own. Knowing he had gone to such lengths, only irritated me further. He must have brought me in the woods because he knew I wouldn't be able to come straight back and he knew I wouldn't be able to break down in front of anyone else. Bastard!

After destroying the note, I had stormed up the stairs and ripped one of my floorboards up. I knew Edward had hidden the pictures of us beneath it, in a sick attempt to still be near me. I proceeded to shred those as well and chuck them into the wastebasket. It had taken a lot of restraint to not set them on fire.

Only once I was satisfied that I had eradicated all things Edward, did I allow myself to rest. My plan was to slip into a dream-state where I could practice walking in my spirit body. Fortunately, after not sleeping for the last three days, I found relaxing to be very easy. Within moments of shutting my eyes and taking a couple of deeps breaths, I found myself looking down at my too still body.

I will not panic, I insisted to myself. Unfortunately, that caused the reverse effect and I instantly found myself snapping back into my solid body as my eyes opened. On the positive side, this reassured me that I hadn't died. With that in mind, the second time I slipped into a sleep-like state, I was able to remain calm.

My hands were translucent. I pulled up my see-through hoodie, which was an exact copy of the solid one my body was sleeping in, and saw that the rest of my skin was equally limpid. Feeling very curious, I raced into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My reflection was nonexistent, which I found it to be a little unsettling. Then, I started to wonder if I would be invisible to other people and vampires.

Down the street there was a grumpy, old man. He was always very rude to me whenever I walked by his house. One day he told me I was a whore just like my mama. At the time, I had simply dropped my head and raced home to cry about it by myself. Now, I felt like a little retribution was in order. With a wicked smile across my face, I raced out of my house, passing effortlessly through the front door.

I had to peek my head into several rooms of the house before I found the man in his kitchen, doing shots of whiskey. I slammed my hand down on the table, causing the glasses and whiskey to shake. He was startled and his head shot up. He looked to the left and to the right several times, without seeing me once.

I decided that it was enough of a test for me. I turned and dashed off toward the Cullen's former home. As I zoomed in that direction, I prayed that Jasper would still be there.

* * *

**Jasper**

_Alice_. When she came into my life she pulled me up from the depths and provided me with a breath of pristine air. I didn't even know I was drowning until I had one taste of the sweet, intoxicating, freshness of everything that was Alice. Once I did, she took her rightful place at the center of my universe.

_Alice_. It only took one moment for me to love her. It also only took one moment for her to shatter that love. Now, without her, I was left with nothing. My universe was empty and this time I was very aware that I was drowning. Hell, I was sinking with lead weights tied to my ankles.

_Alice_. Just thinking her name burned my un-beating heart until it was beyond hollow. It became like a void – a sucking, unceasing vacuum. Even worse, the synapses of my brain had been reworked to the point where all paths lead to Alice. On top of this, I thought in multiple layers, which meant I was thinking Alice in multiple layers, therein expanding the void with every thought upon thought upon thought. It was unyielding.

_Alice_. Without her love to fill me, my own became a ravenous hunger worse than the burn of my vampiric thirst. I would give anything to have my Alice back. Absolutely anything, even though I knew that she wouldn't be coming back. She wouldn't ever be coming back. I was alone for good.

Initially, I had been in shock. That lasted all of several moments and a one-side conversation, after which Carlisle told me I could stay at their house in Forks for as long as I needed. Esme added that I was still part of their family and that I was welcome to join them at their new home at any time. Rosalie ordered me to call and check in and Emmett clapped me on the back, silently acknowledging the fact that words couldn't do anything to alleviate my pain. Then they left, carrying my shock out the door with them.

After that, I tore my way up to the bedroom I had shared with Alice and sank to the floor. She had taken all of the furniture to wherever she was going, which I knew was not with the Cullens. Even though she had disappeared, she had not removed all the traces of her scent. For that, I was grateful. It was my only lifeboat in the ocean of my now lonely existence. I clung to it and wept without release as it began to fade away.

A flicker of something nudged me out of the unrelenting torture that was my pain. I felt shock, sadness and compassion. My head snapped in the direction of the source and I was met with nothing. I looked all of around the room and found it empty, save myself and Alice's dying scent. Even when I inhaled the air, I couldn't smell anything other than Alice.

The emotions continued to pour from the other side of the room.

I growled back at them and felt the stirring of fear. Was I going insane? I had never questioned my gift, but this wasn't making any sense. Then again, I was a vampire and an empath. As a human, neither of those natures would have made any sense to me.

"Who. Is. There?" I snapped, my words clipped and filled with malice.

The shock and fear expanded and then it, whatever _it_ was, was on the move. I raced after the invisible thing and found myself quickly shifting to my full speed. The wind whipped at my face and I felt something stirring within me. It was the joy of the chase. For a moment I pushed my sorrows to the side and allowed my instincts to consume me.

Trees whipped by, thinning in number, until the forest broke and I was staring at a familiar house. It was Bella's house. The thing had moved into Bella's room.

I panicked as the incredible desire to protect Bella washed over me. I would have been a little shocked by the intensity of my emotions if I was thinking more clearly, but right then I wasn't. All of my thoughts had focused on one thing. I had to protect Bella.

Without thinking, I leapt up through her closed window, shattering its glass and frame in the process. Of course, I wasn't focused on the mess. I wasn't focused on anything, but protecting Bella.

I crouched low and surveyed the room with all of my senses, searching out the threat. I reached out mentally to search for the thing's emotions. They weren't present. I could only feel Bella's feelings. She was afraid and angry. It was a strong mixture of both and as I felt it I realized something. Bella's emotional signature and the thing's emotional signature were the same. _Exactly_ the same.

My eyes flicked toward Bella. Her eyes opened slowly. Then I felt her anger burst into rage as she jerked upright. The movement was a little too fast for her, but I didn't have time to focus on that right then.

"What are you doing in my room, Jasper?" She snapped.

"Bella, I sensed something strange moving toward your house and thought it might be a threat." My voice was quiet and cold as I tried to determine what was going on.

Her face dropped and I felt a wave of her emotions hit me. Shock (again), nervousness, fear, devastation, reluctance, and anger all assaulted me. Any moment that she would begin to settle on feeling one, another would seize her attention. It was a bit distracting and I had to focus on what was going on.

I sent her a wave of calm and watched as she closed her eyes and moaned. Then I felt a tug on that wave as she pulled it further into herself. Now she was being more than distracting. This was not normal, even by my standards.

"Is there something you want to share, Bella?" I snapped, angrily.

I felt her guilt as her face dropped. _Bingo._

"Oh shit," she mumbled.

I chuckled. I hadn't heard ever heard Bella swear before.

"I'm not sure where to start," she whispered.

My mind fell back on the party and then, of course, it made a detour to Alice. No! I can't go there right now. I needed to figure out what is going on with Bella. Why was she acting so strangely at her party? I needed to know. I couldn't think about Alice. Once I started going down that path, I knew I wouldn't stop until I disintegrated.

"Start with the party, Bella," I commanded.

She gulped and offered, "It goes a lot further back than that."

"How far back?" Just _what_ is she getting at?

"Awhile," she replied noncommittally.

I nodded, unsure of how to respond. Awhile could mean a week or, hell, even years. I felt completely in the dark and it wasn't a comfortable feeling. I liked to know my shit and keep it in order. I didn't like surprises, which recently my life had been hurdling at me.

DAMN IT! Stop thinking about Alice. Stay on task, Jasper. Bella. The odd, invisible creature who felt like Bella. Bella's strange behavior recently. You have to get out of the dark on this.

"Go on."

She hesitated for a moment, gathering herself mentally and emotionally, before beginning.

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**A/N**: I know Bella is coming of as very out of character, but I think that is to be expected considering the circumstances. She is currently in a state of shock from all of the sudden changes in and revelations about her life. I'm trying not to stray too far from Meyer's Bella and, as the shock clears, hope to move back a little more in that direction. Remember, she's in the half-fae "newborn" phase so things are going to get a little more crazy before she can really identify with herself again. Regardless, I like an empowered, strengthened Bella who doesn't put up with shit. I think she took way too much of that in the Twilight series so she won't here. No weak, pushover Bella. Maybe a little confused, naïve, under-confident Bella at times... How do you all feel about this?

**Updated 10/05/10**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	5. Screwed Up Duo

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Screwed Up Duo"

**Bella**

"Go on," he insisted, but I was struggling. My mouth felt glued together and my vocal cords were clearly taking a holiday.

His pointed stare was so not helping.

When I got nervous I did what I did best. I babbled.

"Well you see, Jasper, I sort of had this dream a little over a week ago and then I found out it was reality when the being from my dream knocked me out and took me to a place between dimensions and told me, 'Surprise! You're a faerie,' – well no, not a faerie because I haven't decided to make the full change, so I'm actually a half-faerie, half-human who can do all this crazy stuff like glow in the moonlight and feed on emotions and my spirit can leave my body and I might go insane and..."

My words grew quieter and quieter until the look on Jasper's face rendered me speechless. His mouth was actually hanging open. He looked like a cartoon character. I hadn't ever seen anyone actually do that. It was very comical and I couldn't help, but start giggling. Great. I was losing it.

For a second his face became an emotionless mask and then, he too exploded with laughter. It was so loud and so full and so intense that, if they could have, I'm sure tears would have been spilling out of his eyes.

What a pleasant change, I decided. I had never seen Jasper even smile around me, much less laugh. Still, there were important matters at hand and he needed to take me seriously.

"I'm not joking, Jasper." My tone was cold and serious. I was finding that it was a lot easier to keep from breaking down when I was ticked off or angry.

His laughing stopped and he stared at me for a moment. His face settled back into the usual blank mask and I could feel him sampling my emotions for a confirmation. Those dark, honey eyes of his opened wide as they met mine.

"You are serious." He spoke slowly. It was like he was reigning himself in to handle the truth.

"Yes."

Silence.

"How?" He finally asked.

I took a deep breath and told myself that there wouldn't be any more word vomit in my explanations. It really helped that I was so relieved to finally be telling someone about all of this. Keeping it to myself would only heighten my chances of falling into insanity. Plus, Jasper had his own set of secrets. I was pretty sure I could trust him. Wait!

"Jasper," I said quickly, "you have to promise me that you won't tell the Cullens about any of this."

"Even Edward?" He asked.

It was a loaded question and it threw me off of my resolve. Was I really ready to share all of this with Jasper? If I told him that I didn't want Edward to know I would also be telling him that I didn't trust Edward. He would be curious as to why that was and I really wasn't sure how smart it would be to tell him about seeing my future. Not yet, anyway.

I settled for saying, "I wasn't ready to tell anyone just yet. You surprised me by seeing through my mask."

A smile ghosted across his lips before he pulled his emotionless mask back on tightly.

"Okay." I said the word slowly and then took an even longer pause before starting. "About a week before my birthday, I had a very vivid dream where I was somewhere near the ceiling, watching myself sleep. Two beings, which looked somewhat human, showed up and started arguing over whether or not the younger, female-looking being, should change me. She decided she wouldn't budge from her decision and started to bath me in this intense, wonderful feeling. They said it was her energy. She almost gave me too much, which would have killed me, but before I could see the outcome I woke up."

He listened quietly and without movement.

"When I woke up I quickly became extremely nauseous. I'll spare you the gory details. Needless to say, it was the worst night of my life. Fortunately, the next day I was significantly better physically. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I couldn't stop bouncing from one extreme emotion to the next and then Edward noticed a significant change. My eyes were reflecting my mood swings. Before he could call Carlisle to tell him the truth, the female being from my dream knocked him out-"

His eyes were wide when he asked, "What do you mean by 'knocked him out'?"

"It's not something to be too worried about. She just let him rest while she took me to a place to talk."

"Bella, how can you not think that I would worry about something like that? Vampires don't sleep. We are constantly alert. The thought that we can be knocked out, is, well, terrifying to say the least." He was angry, but I wasn't having it.

"Jasper, if you want me to finish telling you everything then you are just going to have to shut up and listen. Save the bitching for when I'm done."

He opened up his mouth to say something else, but I threw my hand up to stop him.

"I'm serious."

He nodded.

"Alright, where was I? Oh yes. My maker, who is the one who started my changing process, took me to a place where we could speak in private. She called it a 'place between dimensions'. It was the most beautiful place that I had ever seen. It was filled with flourishing fauna of every different type I could imagine and even those I couldn't."

I paused, savoring the memory, before I continued.

"To make a long story short, we argued over what she did to Edward. She told me, grudgingly, that I was becoming a faerie. According to her, it was the best word available in human languages to describe our nature, but that didn't mean she liked it.

When she brought me back home, she warned me to not confide in anyone about the changes until she had shown me more. She also told me she had cloaked my changes from everyone else so that I would appear to be my normal, human self."

"So that is why Alice could not see you," he whispered. I couldn't help, but notice how strained his voice became when he forced her name out.

"Jasper-" I began, my heart swelling with sadness and compassion for him.

"No," he interrupted coldly, "Please, continue with your story. I know what you are going to say and I appreciate it, Bella, I do, but I don't want to talk about it right now."

I nodded and took a breath before continuing.

"My changes continued as my birthday drew nearer." I watched him cringe as I mentioned my birthday, but I ignored it and continued. "My eyes continued to shift with my emotions. My appetite continued to lessen as I began to feel more and more drawn to the emotions of others. It was getting harder to keep hiding everything from Edward and when my birthday arrived, I decided that I was going to tell him. We pulled off to the side of the road to talk and then the elder faerie showed up."

My maker brought me back to the place between dimensions and showed me my future. What it held, Jasper, I'm really not ready to talk about right now. Please don't ask."

He nodded in understanding and didn't push. I sent him my gratitude and he smiled in acknowledgment.

"Anyway, after I saw what my future held for my former, human self I was outraged. I knew Edward was going to leave me and I had a choice to make. I decided to not tell him about the changes and to allow him to leave me while I continued to work through this on my own.

Jasper, I'm not sure if you are sticking around or not, but you need to know that Victoria is seeking revenge. I have to track her down and kill her."

'I told that idiot that we should have disposed of that bitch,' he thought.

"Bella, Victoria is a strong vampire. How do you think you can kill her?"

I smiled at his lack of faith in and, more appropriately, lack of understanding of my skills. As underdeveloped as I was, I knew that it wouldn't take long before I would be completely indestructible and, if I chose it, completely lethal.

"You underestimate me, Jasper."

"I don't understand, Bella. Show me-"

My smile widened and I raced downstairs, using my full speed, and grabbed a knife out of the kitchen. I brought it back to my bedroom before Jasper could even finish his sentence.

"...how I am wrong."

His eyes were wide. I knew I had moved much faster than he had ever seen a vampire move.

Those eyes turned to horror when he saw that I was about to cut my hand with the knife. Before he could stop me, I brought the blade down on one of my palms. The knife cracked and I held up my hand to show him that it didn't even make a tiny cut.

"Bella I..." He was frightened, baffled and curious.

"Don't be frightened of me, Jasper." My lip was trembling.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just at a loss right now. I've never seen anything like you before."

I felt the familiar stirring of anger. I latched onto it and started building it up into an inner pyre. Within moments, I had an inferno of rage that was craving release.

"YOU'RE ACTING LIKE I'M A MONSTER, JASPER! You are a VAMPIRE for FUCK sakes. How DARE you judge me, DAMN IT! I'M GOING THROUGH SO FUCKING MUCH RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT ON TOP OF IT ALL. JUST GET THE FUCK OUT AND I'LL HANDLE THIS ON MY OWN!" I screamed.

A wave of calm enveloped me and began to distinguish the flames. As he continued to bathe me in the sweet feeling, my body began to hum with pleasure. Smiling, I tugged at the emotion, pulling it deep into myself.

"That feels so nice," I mumbled in a tone completely in contrast with that of my earlier rant.

He continued to wash me with the tranquil feeling until I felt this incredible sensation. I was entirely centered. I felt a total absence of my earlier, conflicting emotions.

"Thank you, Jasper," I said with absolute sincerity.

'What the fuck was that?'

"Oh, I think that was me feeding on the calm you were sending me. It was my first time doing so and it. Was. Delightful."

I was floating along on cloud nine when a gust out of hell just had to come along and knock me off. I had responded to Jasper's thoughts, before I told him I could do that. Judging from his angry expression, he wasn't happy about it.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I should have told you that I could read thoughts when I was explaining everything."

"Is there anything else you are leaving out?" He growled.

His mind was screaming French at me and I was pretty sure that meant back the fuck off. I scowled at him. It wasn't like I was trying to look into his thoughts right now. It just happened! I was trying to get a hold of all of the changes, but I was so new to all of it and it was not easy.

"Yes, but I have a right to my privacy, as do you. I'm sorry for listening into your thoughts, Jasper. It is a difficult thing for me to control. I'm very new to all of this."

His anger dissipated somewhat making room for mild discomfort. After a minute of silence between us, however, that discomfort had grown exponentially. It was thick and I was feeling it being absorbed by my body like a sponge. Needless to say, the emotion was not a pleasant like the earlier calm.

"I'm going to go hunt."

I nodded. His eyes were looking a little dark after all. Not that I personally had to worry about him attacking me, but Charlie would be coming home soon.

I was really glad that he wasn't falling back into his old hunting preferences now that he was separated from the Cullens. I wouldn't want to have to stop Jasper if I saw him going after a human. Of course, hadn't Alice said that Jasper's control over his thirst was weak? What if he did go after a human and there wasn't anyone around to stop him?

Once the thought was in my head, I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Do you mind if I join you?"

He didn't look like he liked the idea, but I couldn't be certain. He was still thinking in French so I couldn't gauge his real reaction.

_Bad, Bella_. You just chastised him for intruding on your privacy. _Hypocrite!_

Finally he hesitantly said, "I need some time alone to think about shit, Bella."

I weighed my options. On one hand, I probably should give him some time to sort through everything. He had a lot of shit to process. Hell, I needed to think about stuff too and could use the alone time. On the other hand, Jasper was a weak when it came to abstaining from a human diet. Allowing him to hunt by himself was not a choice I was willing to make.

"I can be quiet, Jasper." I laughed a little nervously. "I think I've talked more just now than I have in my entire life. I'm looking for a break and I need to think too."

He didn't look very convinced, but he nodded.

_Alright then_.

* * *

**Jasper**

Fuck. Yeah, that pretty much described the situation.

Why did I have to be so damn curious? I could have just stayed in the damn bedroom by myself, but no! I just had to go and get myself involved in this shit.

Fuck. If I had seen this coming I could promise that I would not be here right now on my way to hunt with a damn faerie Bella. Sure, I could have seen a lot of thing happening to her. Most of them involved accidents resulting in a premature death. Getting turned into a faerie? It didn't even make the fucking list.

I heard her grunt and that shit only pissed me off further.

'Stop listening in, _Edward_,' I snapped mentally, before switching my thoughts back into French.

I felt her guilt about listening into my thoughts and annoyance in response to my nickname for her, but it didn't appease me. One of the only things since leaving the Cullens that I was looking forward to was the privacy of my thoughts. I wouldn't have Edward listening in every moment or Alice telling me what I was going to do next.

Shit. Don't think about Alice. Focus on the hunt.

I rose my nose into the air and took a deep inhale. With expertise, I divided the excess smells - the trees, the shrubbery, and the distant smells of Forks - from those of my chosen prey. I identified some small, entirely unappetizing critters consisting of mice, squirrel, and rabbit and separated them from those more appealing like a herd of deer off to the right. Surrendering to my instincts, I felt my body tear off in the direction of the herd.

Within seconds, my fingers ripped the fur from a doe's neck, allowing me teeth to break through the skin. According to my vampiric taste buds, fur was foul, so I avoided it at all costs. Of course, fur probably tasted disgusting to my former, human taste buds as well.

I heard Bella's gasp, but chose to ignore it as I leapt after the second doe. After draining her, I caught a much more appealing scent in the air. It was wolf.

My face broke into a hungry grin as I raced toward the more desirable kill. The wolf was a female and she put up one hell of a fight, which was a distraction I desperately needed. Her teeth and claws shattered when they violently came into contact with my marble skin. I let her come at me for all of ten seconds before draining her.

"Jasper," Bella pleaded to my left.

Shit, Bella was fast. I was hoping that she wouldn't be able to keep up with me.

"Jasper," she repeated, her voice rising in determination.

Something else caught my attention. It was fresh, alive and so very innocent. It was whimpering softly, making my unleashed beast crave it all the more.

"No," Bella, who had moved in front of me, growled.

She was blocking me from my desire. My monster wouldn't have it. I craved the innocent blood behind her, so I lunged. Her hand reached out to stop me and collided with my chest. At a pace fast enough to make me dizzy, I felt myself crash through one, two, three, four, five trees until I skidded to a stop along the ground.

I let a roar tear out of my throat as I moved into a crouch. My eyes met with those of Bella, very far away, challenging her. Even from the distance, I could still smell the sweet scent and hear the cries from behind her. Greedily, I sucked in that smell causing something to register in the mind buried beneath that of my demon.

Bella was no longer appetizing. _What the fuck?_

I could still smell the freesia and strawberries, which were the very essence of Bella. This aroma, while still sweet, oddly enough, no longer held the appeal I had to struggle to not give into for so long. Something new had mingled with her scent. It was foreign and exotic. I couldn't put a name on it, but I knew now that I didn't want to drink her blood.

My legs straightened as I broke out of my crouch. From across the way I saw a smile of relief break out on Bella's face. I watched as she turned around and began cooing to that, which she had been protecting. Then, I saw her take slow steps forward, facing her back to me, and bend down. When she turned back around and began to move toward me, I could see a tiny fur ball in each of her arms.

Wolf pups. _Orphaned_, wolf pups. I had drained their mother dry. Shit.

Before I met the Cullens I followed the lifestyle of the average vampire. I drank from humans – I didn't matter who – and I didn't give a shit about it. When I met Alice that shit hadn't changed until she told me that it was going to. I loved her so I agreed to whatever she told me. She brought me to live with the Cullens and, through them, I learned how to not be the average vampire. We didn't feed from humans. We fed from the blood of animals and while shit was difficult and strange on its own, the Cullen's didn't stop there.

Carlisle Cullen, the leader of our coven or family (as he liked to put it) had a few rules about feeding, which I learned to follow. One, we only fed from the blood of animals. There were no exceptions to this rule. Two, we traveled to different locations to feed so as to not over depopulate a species in a particular location. Three, we did not, under any circumstances, feed from an animal who was pregnant, a new mother or a baby. Thanks to my lack of control today, I had broken rule number three. The Cullens might not be with me anymore, but I had sacrificed too much time and shit to learn to abide by Carlisle's rules. I wasn't about to abandon them just because they were gone.

Bella was sitting on the ground next to me, playing with the two wolf cubs. They were running in circles around her and I watched them interact with interest and yet, shame. It was a reminder that I had broken rule number three. In fact, I had almost broken it three times. Maybe having Bella around, as crazy as her current shit may be, could be a good thing.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," she uttered quickly.

I started to smile at her, before the expression felt too uncomfortable and foreign to maintain. I settled on an empty look and shrugged my shoulders. She nodded, accepting my forgiveness and forgoing any requests for an apology she might had had by the simple act.

For several minutes I watched Bella play with the pups. While remaining standing would have been just as comfortable, I chose to sink to the earth and sit cross-legged during this time. I simply watched as Bella had found a stick and threw it. Like puppies, the wolf cubs raised after the makeshift toy and played tug-a-war with it.

I was very shocked that the wild animals were being so responsive to Bella.

"It's a faerie thing," she muttered with a dismissive wave of her hand.

My shock transformed into a feeling I was unaccustomed to experiencing. I was tired. Very tired. Physically, I felt just fine, but mentally I was beyond exhausted. All the recent changes in my life over this last week had slapped me down and I felt myself slumping over under the emotional weight of it all.

Bella's face held a sad smile and her feelings reflected the expression.

"We're a pretty screwed up duo, huh?" I asked.

I hadn't meant to ask it out loud, but there was no helping it now. Besides, I was getting pretty sick of thinking in French. It was a language of love and, for that very reason, it only succeeded in making me feel worse.

"Yeah," she answered, quietly, but then, with a hint of hope added, "but at least we're not fucked up _and_ alone."

A smile pulled up the corner of my lips and I let it linger for a moment. Her grin turned a little brighter in response. We were definitely screwed up, entirely supernatural and broken, but she was right. Together, we were not alone.

* * *

**A/N**: So now that Jasper knows a little more about Bella, is he going to stick around or will he go it alone? Also, what do you think about the two pups? I planned a completely different hunting experience, but the characters just weren't having it. The pups came out of nowhere and now that they're there I find myself falling in love with the cute, little things. Hmmm...

Also, I would like to note that wolves don't actually live in Washington. Regardless, I decided to add a few :). It is only a story after all.

Oh, you wouldn't believe what I have in store for you in the next chapter. *Smiles wickedly*

In the meantime, I'd love some more reviews. I'm so happy with the growing number. It's incredible encouragement :D!

**Updated 10/05/10**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	6. Passing of Days

**A/N**: Memories will appear like: _Memory_. I will always distinguish in my writing between a memory and a vision.

* * *

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Passing of Days"

**Bella**

I couldn't believe it had been a month since Edward had left and I had confessed the majority of my secret to Jasper. He still didn't know about the glimpse of the future i had seen myself sharing with him. He also didn't know the exact details of my previous life path - had I remained human, of course. I decided that I would like to keep it that way. We already had too much to focus on without adding in the complications those secrets would entail.

After much debate, Jasper agreed to let me keep the two puppies. He didn't like the idea at all at first and practically fought me tooth and nail on it. Finally, I resorted to playing on his guilt by asking him if he always murdered mother animals and their babies. He told me that he didn't and that he had broken one of the rules of the Cullen lifestyle by doing so. We didn't discuss it much after that and I felt pretty bad for making him feel so terrible, but I wouldn't back down on my position until he conceded. I could not abandon those wolf cubs.

Shortly thereafter, I discovered that the puppies were grey wolves, which were not usually seen in Washington. It made me wonder if the mother wolf had been abandoned by her pack, left to care for her young by herself, and had wandered into the foreign territory. It became clear to me that it wouldn't have been very likely that she or the puppies would have survived on their own, even if Jasper hadn't killed their mother.

Lately, I had been doing a lot of research on different topics. It felt like my brain was expanding and I had developed an insatiable thirst for knowledge. Currently I was studying French, much to Jasper's annoyance, astrology and the Roman gods. The last topic helped me to finally name the puppies a couple of days ago.

I chose the name Artemis, the goddess of the hunt, for the larger female. She was swift and was a much better huntress than her smaller sister, Metis, named after the goddess of wisdom. While Metis may have been slower than her sister she did posses a stronger level of understanding. I could see it whenever I looked into her golden eyes. I knew that they were strong, solid names, fitting for the pups. Even Jasper, who was slowly warming up to my little babies, approved of them.

Jasper had also been teaching me about the civil war, which he had apparently fought in. He had joined the Confederate States Army in 1861 and quickly became their youngest major. That tidbit had explained a lot about Jasper's nature. He never took anything at face value and explored his options before jumping into a situation. Everything he did was analyzed and assessed, his actions meticulously calculated. In addition, he was a master strategist - a fact that I had put to the test multiple times by challenging him at chess. Needless to say, I always lost.

Other than that tiny detail, however, I knew very little about Jasper's past, be it human or vampire. He said that he didn't like thinking about it and his tone, at the time, had warned me to not push him any further. I was still hoping, however, that given time, he would come to trust me enough to share more about his life with me.

"Bella, you're lacking a little of your luster. Are you hungry?"

We recently discovered that when I need more emotional sustenance, my body's shine, seen only under the moonlight, dulls. Given time, this becomes very significant. We don't really need this physical reminder, however, because when I'm hungry I become like an emotional roller-coaster. This affect Jasper greatly, so needless to say, Jasper rarely lets my glow dull.

I nodded eagerly.

I was very grateful for Jasper's presence in my life. If I didn't have Jasper helping me every day, I was pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to survive continuing to go to school. I knew eventually that I would have to abandon my life in Forks, but I just wasn't ready to leave my Dad yet. Jasper had allowed me to have an extended goodbye and I would forever be in his debt because of it.

Charlie knew something was up, but he didn't pry. I explained my absences every evening by telling him that I was spending time with friends. He knew Edward was gone and figured it was better that I was remaining active while getting over, in his words, 'the prick'. He didn't want me to suffer the alternative, retreating into myself. That thought of his had brought back painful memories of his behavior after Renée left. I hadn't wanted to see it at the time and had had to restrain myself from throwing my arms over my Father and weeping for him.

I shifted my focus back on to the present. Jasper and I sat on a pile of boulders. The puppies, which appeared to be around four months of age now, lounged on the ground near my dangling feet. From my research into gray wolves, I deduced that they had just started to tag along on their mother's hunts, putting them at around three months of age, when Jasper orphaned them. Fortunately, after about two weeks and the constant use of his gift, they had warmed up significantly to Jasper. It had allowed him to continue their hunting education. Currently, for this very reason, they were feasting on a deer carcass, which Jasper had already drained after helping them take it down.

Jasper sent me the wave of calm I had grown so accustomed to and I felt my head tilt to the side in bliss. The familiar hum washed through me as I absorbed the emotion in delicious, pulsating waves. For several minutes, I drew the feeling into myself until I felt entirely satisfied.

"Thank you, Jasper."

He smiled, a brilliant smile, which he had been showing me a lot more of these days. I believed it was because Jasper finally started talking to me about Alice. During the first weeks of our quickly developing friendship, Jasper hadn't wanted to speak a single word about her. If I started to bring her up, he would growl and angrily change the subject. Then, about a week and a half ago, he started telling me the story about how they met.

"_Bella, I want to tell you about how I met Alice."_

_I nodded, dumbly. I was shocked, after all. Before this point, he couldn't stand to even hear or see her name. A couple of days before that, when we were at one of our usual haunts, a bookstore in Seattle, I was searching for a book on my current interest, Zen Buddhism. Unfortunately, I just so happened to pull out a book entitled __Wonderland: The Zen of Alice__ right when Jasper was looking over my shoulder. He snatched it out of my hands and threw it on the ground with enough force to caused it to explode. Needless to say, I paid for the book, we were banned from the store for life and I avoided all things Alice like they were the plague._

"_Okay," I said hesitantly._

"_For a very long time I lived with vampires who fed off of human blood. Throughout the years this became increasingly difficult for me. Unlike the others, I could feel the fear and pain of my victims. When a former runaway, a vampire named Peter, returned for me, I left Texas, never to return. I lived with Peter and Charlotte, the vampire who he had run away with, after that. Together we fed only off of humans who have committed violent crimes and, for a time, it was alright. Still, it didn't remove the sour taste from mouth for as evil as my victims were, they still felt painful emotions. Eventually, I went off on my own."_

_I was even further shocked. I couldn't believe that he was confiding in me about his former life, even if it the information was relatively little._

"_One night I entered a diner. It was raining and I was soaked. Normally, I stayed away from largely populated areas. My eyes were red and we didn't have colored contacts at the time to hide our nature. When I entered, I kept my eyes low, until I smelled the scent of another vampire. When I looked up, my eyes caught Alice's." He voice became quiet and distant. "I fell in love with her the moment our eyes connected, Bella. I thought that she was what I had been searching for. I vowed then that I would never leave her side."_

"_I'm so sorry, Jasper," I whispered, sadly._

"_I never guessed that she would actually choose to leave my side. I should have seen it coming."_

"_No, Jasper-"_

_He quickly changed the subject. "Bella, I'm getting a little thirsty. Let's get the pups and go hunting."_

Jasper didn't talk about Alice again for two days. After that, he started telling me about every little thing that reminded him of her. A flower over there would turn out to be Alice's favorite or the wind would remind him of her voice. He would tell me insignificant memories, like the time he tried to surprise her by spontaneously purchasing a shirt. It had consisted of ruffles and sequins, which sounded ghastly even to an unfashionable person like myself. She hated it, but they had both laughed about it for days.

I felt like Jasper was confiding in me not only because he missed Alice so much, but because it was helping him to let her go. He was undergoing a purging process and I was doing my best to be there for him by simply listening.

"Bella, did you hear me?"

So much for being a good listener!

"I'm sorry, Jasper."

He frowned.

"You were losing yourself in your thoughts again."

"I know, Jasper. It feels like my brain is expanding in several different directions at once. Up, down, left, right, backwards, forwards, inside out and in ways I can't even describe. I'm remembering the most minute details of every moment and my thoughts about them." Softly I added, "It's very stressful and overwhelming, yet is also intensely intriguing."

He sent me a relaxing wave and I eagerly accepted it.

"Can you repeat what you were saying?" I asked, earnestly.

His voice became very serious. "Bella, I was asking you about what your plan was."

My brows wrinkled together. "What do you mean?"

"Bella, you're an immortal being now and your body is not making normal changes anymore." He let the obvious implications hang in the air, but I didn't want to acknowledge what he wasn't saying.

Jasper had recently begun to see the changes my maker had cloaked everyone from seeing. We had both started to worry that the veil over my body was lifting and that it would only be a matter of time before everyone saw what I had become.

"You can only remain in Forks so long before people are going to start noticing. What are you going to do about Charlie?" He insisted.

Normally I liked how honest, often to the point of being brutally blunt, that Jasper was. He was a no-bullshit sort of guy and I almost always appreciated it. Regardless, his words then, while they may have been true, seriously pissed me off!

"What, am I supposed to just abandon him like Edward abandoned me?" I snapped.

Wait, where in the hell did _that_ come from?

Jasper's face dropped. Of course, I knew he was thinking about how Alice had abandoned him, but I also felt guilt pouring off of his body. He knew that I didn't want to discuss Edward – hell, I didn't even want to think about Edward – and that leaving people I loved behind was not a choice I was willing to make. I needed a plan and yet I didn't want to deal with it. I really needed my maker.

Just then, the faerie in question, who had been unusually absent for over a month, appeared behind Jasper. I watched with horror as his body jerked around to face her and she raised her arm to point at him.

"NO!" I screamed.

Her eyes flicked over to me and she smiled, but her arm did not waver.

"Please," I begged.

Artemis and Metis could be heard growling behind us. They could sense that a member of their "pack" was being threatened and they didn't like it. It gave me a boost of the confidence that I needed. I opened my mouth to make her see my reasoning, but closed it quickly when I heard Jasper stutter out something in a whisper.

"G-grace, is that you?"

My head spun around to take in his expression. He looked shocked and I could feel a thick aura of disbelief surrounding him.

"Hello again, Jasper," my maker responded, with a bright smile pasted upon her face.

My mind was spiraling out of control. _What!_?

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**A/N**: Oh, I just can't wait for the fun of the next chapter :)! This one was too short for my liking, but it had to happen... and I just couldn't resist adding the cliffie!

Wonderland: The Zen of Alice is actually a book I found on Amazon. I have never read it, but I took a peek inside. It looks interesting.

Please review. I need feedback. Any ideas on how Jasper knows Bella's maker? *Knowing grin*

**Updated 10/05/10**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	7. Grace

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Grace"

**Bella**

I watched in utter confusion as Jasper's shock morphed into elation. After that, time seemed to be moving in slow motion. I stood there, unable to even breath, as I watched Jasper run toward Grace. She opened her arms wide, allowing him to fling his arms around her and pull her into a tight hug. Then they held each other, him quietly sobbing, while I remained still, head cocked to the side. The scene was like a cross between Wile E Coyote in "The Roadrunner" and the part where Heathcliff runs to Catherine in the film adaptation of "Wuthering Heights". I didn't know whether to laugh, smile or cry.

Finally, I managed to get my vocal cords working and was able to push out a weak cough.

"As if things couldn't get any weirder," Jasper mumbled to himself before turning to face me, breaking his hold on Grace. His hand was still tightly clasping my maker's and my eyes zeroed in on it while he spoke. "Bella, I'm sorry. I was just… well…" He stumbled over his words in a very unJasper-like fashion. Finally, he managed to say, "Bella, this is my sister, Grace Whitlock."

"Excuse me?" I said softly in a monotone voice. Was the ground raising up to meet all of us or was that just me?

Jasper caught me before I collapsed to the floor. I looked at him in a daze, trying to make the second Jasper go away. At this point, I was pretty certain that I couldn't handle any more shocks to my psyche. Two Jaspers would be such a shock.

My maker came to sit next to Jasper and peer down at me. I looked back and forth between the two, looking for some evidence of a resemblance. His skin was pale white and dead-looking while hers had a healthy, albeit otherworldly, glow to it. His eyes were the color of honey while hers from the area where a pupil should be to the whites flashed different colors of the rainbow, matching her present emotions. He had golden locks of hair while hers was a sheen, white-blond. He was a vampire and she was a faerie. I could not find anything in their appearances to identify them as brother and sister.

"I assure you, Bella, we are," Grace said, responding to my thoughts.

"H-how?" I asked.

Jasper smirked, obviously reading my question in a way I didn't intend it, but Grace bumped him with her shoulder. She turned back to me and began to explain.

"Jasper and I grew up as Whitlocks on a tiny farm in the South. Grace was my given name. When Jasper was seventeen he went off to fight in the army, leaving me behind with ma and pa. We heard little word of him, but the payments he sent us helped us to get by. Pa had always said that Jasper was born for battle."

I was surprised that her emotions did not change as she told that story. In the same manner that she would teach me about my faerie nature, she shared her tale. It was told so impersonally and I began to wonder if this was what occurred when one gave up her humanity. Would I become like her if I became full-fae? Would I relinquish my feelings for Charlie, Renée and Phil? For the other people who had mattered throughout my life? Would I become so emotionally detached?

Grace's eyes twitched at my train of thought, but she did not stop to acknowledge my inner ramblings.

"My maker changed me the same year you were turned, Jasper."

"You can read minds as well?" He asked, his face clearly saying that he didn't enjoy that fact.

She nodded, before continuing.

"In eighteen-sixty-three a woman, Maria, came to my family."

'I'm one-hundred and fifty three, Bella. I was sixteen when I was changed,' Grace said, without a hint of modesty, replying to my mental question.

That would make Jasper one-hundred and fifty-seven. My God! I had known that Edward was near a century old, but it still didn't lessen the shock in that moment. I was surrounded by people who aught to be decaying bones in the ground. They could be my great, great, great grandparents.

A tiny voice in my own mind whispered that I would experience this someday myself. I could never die. I would be eternally eighteen for all of eternity. Someday I too would be one-hundred and fifty seven years someone's senior.

Grace continue aloud, "She claimed that she had been the fiancée of my brother Jasper and that he had fallen in battle. We welcomed her in to mourn together. Before night fell, however, Maria attacked my parents, snapping their necks and draining them dry. She saved me for last. Nevertheless, before she could attack, my soon to be maker appeared."

Jasper looked horrified while Grace, who remained entirely detached, continue to describe her own turning. My hand reached for his, needing to comfort him, and he gratefully took it in his own. I was certain that if I didn't possess my half-fae strength and tough outer shell, Jasper's grip would have snapped my bones in half.

"My maker, who called himself Pere, knocked Maria out and brought me to the place between dimensions, Bella. He had begun the turning process two nights before. When I was settled, he gave me the option to fully turn. Having lost all of my small family, I agreed at once and he aided me in my full transformation."

'Yes, Bella, you are right that the fae do not experience emotions as humans do. Instead of producing emotions and experiencing them to expend the energy, we feed on the essence, cycling them back into our bodies. Occasionally, we have emotional outbursts when we are unable to keep that flow balanced, but it is rare.'

She smiled at me as I recalled such an emotional outburst that I had been on the receiving end of.

'Indeed,' she said into my mind, 'I am not an exception when it comes to that particular fault.'

Before I could ask her more about the full transformation, through his teeth, Jasper growled, "I will kill her."

He had not let go off my hand and I squeezed his back, in reassurance. Unfortunately, he winced and I let up in my grip before promising I would assist him.

"After Victoria is dead, I will join you and avenge your family, Jasper."

Before he could respond, Grace cut in. "If you would excuse me, brother, I will be taking Bella now to train. You two can plot your killing spree after Bella and I are done."

Her hand was on my shoulder allowing the familiar feeling of powerful energy to wash through me, before he could stop us. My hand, which he had still been holding, disappeared as Grace and I winked out of reality.

* * *

"Bella, you need to learn how to form your own appearance-altering shield. I use my own abilities for other means and cannot continue to do this for you. While I am able to generate my own sustenance, I am only able to create so much. If I over-exert myself, which has been happening as of late, my magics fade. I am sure you have noticed the effects of that happening."

I nodded, recalling how Jasper had been noticing my changed with increasing frequency over the course of the last week. The alternations were highly subtle, not yet detectable by the naked human eye, but it would only be a matter of time. Even though I was still uncertain of whether or not I wanted to become full-fae, I knew I needed to learn my part-fae abilities now.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes," I found myself confidently saying with more conviction than I actually felt.

Grace sank to the earth, folding her legs over each other. Her hands came gently together, the back of her right hand over the palm of her left with the thumb tips touching in a style I recalled Renée using in her meditation phase. As it had been with all of her phases, Renée had dragged me though it with her. While sitting still hadn't been difficult for me, the actual quieting of my mind key to that practice had seemed next to impossible. I could never do it.

"Follow me," she instructed.

I sat down, copying her every movement until I was a mirror of my maker. My hands folded perfectly into place and I tried to relax in the stiff position.

'Relax your mind. Allow your thoughts to clear. Allow your mind to focus on nothing. Simply be,' she said into my mind.

_Oh shit!_

* * *

**Jasper**

Bella appeared again, standing several feet away from me, the instant that she left. I began to wonder if, in addition to everything else, Bella was developing teleportation powers. I started to ask her, but a hand on my back stilled my words.

"The passage of time is not always linear, Jasper," Grace whispered into my ear.

When I turned around, my sister had vanished. I shook my head from side to side and considered pinching myself. For a moment, I wondered if this was all a dream. Perhaps I had never actually become a vampire. Perhaps I never even went off to join the army. If I opened my eyes, I might find myself still at home, seventeen, sleeping in the room I shared with my sister. I squeezed the arm of my flesh. Other than momentarily hurting myself, nothing changed. This was my reality. It was bizarre, random and wholly fucked up, but it was mine. I couldn't change it. Even if I wanted to.

"Um. Bella?" I asked.

She was sitting on the ground, allowing Artemis to burry her furry face in Bella's lap while she stroked the snout of Metis. Bella stared into the standing she-wolf's eyes and I considered that she might be speaking to the animal. At this point, nothing Bella could do would surprise me.

"I'm not talking to her. We don't need to speak to each other to understand one another." She kissed the tip of Metis' nose before saying, "Isn't that right, Metis?"

The large pup licked her cheek.

'I thought you agreed to stay out of my head,' I growled, ignoring the rather adorable display of affection.

Her voice rang through my mind.

'I'm sorry, but you were projecting loudly, Jasper, and my strength is down.'

I sent her a wave of calm, which seemed to be her favorite "flavor". She accepted it greedily, pulling at the edges and forcing me to give even more. After a while of this, I started to feel too drained and found it to be increasingly difficult to keep producing the calm. It was an odd sensation I hadn't ever experienced before. It was one that, if I could control it, I never wanted to experience again.

"Jasper, I wasn't able to learn how to shield my emotions on my own. Accessing that power is much harder than I thought. For that reason, I am not going to be able to continue living in Forks." Her words faltered at the end, as she struggled to retain her tough front.

I sent her some understanding and she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Here's the plan, Jasper. Kill off human Bella. Kill Victoria. Kill Maria. After that, we'll figure our living arrangements out."

I smiled wide, my inner demon chuckling in satisfaction, as I reveled in the hunt we would soon share together. We needed this distraction almost as much as those women needed to die.

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**A/N:** I am still working on "DarkWood" and "Hinting Beneath the Shell". This story is not taking priority over those two… I just felt inspired to write this chapter. Don't expect frequent updates to start happening now, but as my creativity is hard to control… we shall see :).

I did, however, create a guide for this story. Check it out here: www . lotusfervor . webs . com (omit the spaces) or view my profile for a link.

**Please read and review! If anyone is still following, did they see that coming - Grace being Jasper's little sister? I know MyManIsJacksonR-JasperW did. Good job ;)!**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	8. Plans and Preparations

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Plans and Preparations"

**Bella**

I had replayed the memory over in my mind every day for the last two months. It began with a disastrous car crash. The barley recognizable vehicle had been a nineteen fifty-three chevy pickup. It had hydroplaned off of a cliff after a brief rainfall, exploding against the rocks and finally ending its life in a high blaze of fire. The timing had been perfect and the recently dead body had matched my description impeccably well. I didn't know how Jasper found such a perfect match, but I didn't ask. There was simply too much at stake to worry about minor details like that.

The part I focused on was the moment Charlie found out his daughter had died in a fatal crash. I could not get the visual out of my mind. Jasper had suggest I just leave. In fact, he had insisted, but I had stubbornly ignored him. Instead, I had watched my strong, generally stoic father collapse to his knees and weep without shame. I had sobbed from my perch nearly a mile away along with him, longing to wrap my arms around him and tell him, "No, Dad. I'm alive. It's okay." If Jasper hadn't been keeping a close eye on me, reminding constantly of why it had to be like this, I probably would have.

The southern vampire had designed my false death perfectly. Not a single element was not meticulously scrutinized. He had dressed the body in my clothing and we had planned the evening flawlessly. I was going on a trip by myself to Seattle to see a Blue October concert there. We had even bought the ticket. The staged accident occurred on the way there and it went off without a hitch.

I followed Charlie home after he left the scene of my accident. He had been in so much misery, that it had fogged his mind. He didn't ask for any additional tests to identify the body. He believed, without a doubt in his heart, that he had lost me. And while the way it had happened was just a sham, it still didn't mean that he wasn't right. He had lost me.

Charlie drank himself into a stupor night after night until Renée came to Forks. She stayed with him for several weeks while they sailed through the roughest times of their depression, anger and denial. They wept and held each other and buried their faces into my clothing and my bedsheets. Eventually, Renée had to go home to Phil, her true source of comfort, leaving Charlie once again alone.

The Quileutes would not let Charlie sink into a dark abyss he could never come out of. The Blacks visited him daily and invited him onto the reservation as often as he would come. At first he was hesitant, but his friends were persistent and he had soon found that company made the loss of me just a little more bearable. It was the tiniest of improvements, but it had been something. Eventually, he started spending more and more time there, a lot of it with Sue Clearwater. Their mutual losses had bonded them and for that I was grateful.

After a month had passed, I knew it was time to leave. I couldn't spend the rest of Charlie's life creeping in the shadows. After all, I still had to kill Victoria and keep my promise to Jasper to help him bring down Maria.

While I mourned the loss of my only family, Jasper had been tracking Victoria. She had passed through Forks several times until she had gleaned knowledge of my death. After that, she had changed tactics. Jasper believed she was now going after Edward, having missed her chance to torment him with my demise.

My vampire companion and I went to Denali Alaska, camping out about twenty miles from the Cullen's cabin there. The Cullens had gone to visit their friends, the Denali Clan, while waiting out the perpetual storm that was Edward's misery. Alice still had not joined them, and the rest of the Cullens were mourning the absence of her, Jasper and, from what Jasper insisted, myself.

Pushing down all of the pain I had felt from having lost my life as Bella Swan and everything I had known had taught me one good thing. It had finally helped me to suppress my thoughts when I slipped into the meditative state required to use my more difficult abilities. Once I had begun to get the hang of that, I had been able to learn how to cloak myself. I wasn't perfect at it, but I was getting better each day.

I could shield my eyes incomparably well, but I was still struggling with my skin. Jasper figured it had something to do with being more difficult when I distributed my focus over a larger surface area. My irises were easy to focus on, being that they were so small whereas my skin was all over the place. I would have asked my maker about it, but she had been oddly absent, much to Jasper and my chagrin, since the day she had shared her history with us.

I was worried about Jasper. Ever since he had discover that Maria had killed his parents and that his sister had only survive by becoming a faerie, he had been consumed. Jasper did little other than plan the murders of Victoria and Maria. I am pretty sure he wouldn't have even fed if it weren't for Artemis. He had grown to love both of the pups well, but had bonded the most with the larger sister. She somehow seemed to instinctively know when he needed to fee and would pull on his clothing with her teeth until he went to hunt with her. It was a strangled existence, but we were getting by.

Jasper and I lived out of a RV. In addition to doing this in order to remain close to the wolves, I would get extremely agitated if I remained in doors for too long. We tried the first night outside of Forks in a two-bedroom motel in Seattle, but by the middle of the night, I was bouncing on the bed like a child the day after Halloween. Jasper went out and bought the RV first thing the next morning. He preferred staying in it during the night, while I pretty much only used it to shower. I opted to run with Artemis and Metis, while he drove it to our destination.

"I picked up her scent today," Jasper said, pulling me from my thoughts. I knew who he meant be _her_. Victoria.

I snapped my head up to meet his gaze and watched as his eyes filled with worry. Instantly, I began to fret. Had I done something wrong? I began chewing on my nails nervously.

"Oh, Bell," he said softly, using the nickname that fit with my new identity, Maybell Lake, but still held some resemblance to my old self.

I felt a blanket of clam, my Swedish Delight, cover me and I quickly pulled it into myself. I was famished and in very little control of myself. Unable to stop, I tugged at Jasper's wave until he grunted and collapsed to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Jas!" I shouted, horrified at what I had done.

He picked himself back up off of the ground, waving my attempts to help him away with a hand. A blush crept over my cheeks as I recalled the several times I had done this to him before. One time it had been so bad that Jasper was disoriented for several minutes after he fell. We weren't exactly sure why it happened that way. I suspected it had something to do with pulling at his life energy. Of course, discovering the actual reason would just have to wait until Grace decided to answer my calls.

"It's alright, Bell. I should have been keeping a closer eye on your hunger. I've just been distracted."

If that weren't the understatement of the century!

Jasper paused. He appeared to be struggling for his next words. In that moment, his facade, the one of the calm and collected solider, broke. I saw his anger, confusion and pain. I felt how broken he was.

Like a magnet to metal, I gravitated toward Jasper and felt my arms wrap around his of their own accord. He needed the comfort, the touch of another, just as much as I did. We had both lost so much in a matter of months and we were overwhelmed by all of the changes that had come our way in that time.

At first Jasper remained entirely stiff, but I wouldn't let up until I felt his arms encase me. Only then did I relax into his cold touch. I was surprised to find that Jasper was cold, much colder than Edward had been to me when I was a human. Still, I didn't really mind. Somehow, being in Jasper's arms made me feel warmer. The heat seemed to spread from the inside out and I didn't want it to stop.

Jasper pulled back and I reluctantly let go. I could feel nervousness common off of him and I wondered why that was. Thankfully, the earlier feeding had given me a stronger control over myself so I wasn't unconsciously absorbing and replicating his every feeling.

"You mentioned, Victoria," I offered, to alleviate the heavy silence.

"Yes," he responded gratefully, shifting his mask comfortably back into place with ease. "She is skirting around the forests outside of the Cullen's home."

I found that I could cloak Jasper's scent when he was near the wolves. I couldn't generate a new smell to cover his vampiric one, but I was able to expand the wolves' scent so that it covered his own. It was very useful and also very difficult. Doing it had been the primary cause of the moments I almost knocked Jasper, needing more sustenance to maintain the power, but it had to be done. Jasper had the tracking skills and I was still too volatile in my newborn phase to be of much assistance in that department, even if I had a nose to match his.

"There are others with her," he added. "Judging from a rising death toll in some of the nearby towns, I suspect that they are newborns."

That was not good. Newborns were the strongest and fastest of the vampires. Disposing of them would not be easy.

"If she keeps turning people, the Volturi are going to get involved. I'm surprised that they have allowed this to go on for as long as it has."

That was really not good. My strength might have far surpassed that of a vampire and we knew I was unbreakable, but that didn't guarantee our success. I was like a toddler waving a gun. While my abilities might be far superior, my focus was strongly lacking. My ever-expanding mind and susceptibility to other's emotions made it next to impossible to use my untrained skills.

I recalled the last time I had been around anyone other than Jasper and the wolves. I had needed some new clothing shortly after leaving Charlie. During that month of refusing to do anything other than watching my Father mourn and feed, hygiene had been cast aside. Along with many of my other, human, bodily functions, I no longer sweat so it wasn't unhealthy to me. Still, wearing the same clothing day after day had left an odor on me that words failed to describe. When we left Forks, after a very, very long shower at the Cullen's abandoned house there - thankfully, they had kept the water running for Jasper's sake - we had headed to a mall.

The shopping trip had been a disaster from the get-go. When we walked in I immediately started stalking some hyped up girls who were exuding tremendous amounts of jealousy. All three of them liked the same boy and were upset that he had chosen to take some other girl to their school's winter formal.

I hadn't tasted jealousy since I was turned and was surprised at how drawn I was to the feeling. Plus, I had declined Jasper's offer of an extra feeding before arriving at the mall. That meant that I was extra susceptible to the thrall the emotions of others held on me. Once I started, I really couldn't stop. It wasn't until one of the girl's had collapsed that Jasper was able to pull me away and drag my ass into a nearby bathroom. He fed me until I felt power coursing through my veins. It wasn't as pungent as the jealousy, but it was still good.

After that, we didn't have too much trouble. I did sample a couple different emotions - annoyance, pity and self-consciousness - throughout the day, but it was only a taste and Jasper let it slide. Then again, he did have to pull me away from a group of boys who were beating each other up. I had dented the vampire's arm in the process in my attempt to get closer. Hatred, like any other strong emotion, had a very powerful affect on me and I wanted it all. Fortunately, Jasper was able to keep me under control and get us out of there just in time. His throbbing arm returned to normal shortly thereafter.

By the time we had gotten back to our temporary camp, I was feeling so powerful that when I went to pet Metis her tail was down and she was whimpering. Even Jasper was kind of hanging back from me. A little bit of fear he couldn't cover was leaking out of him. It wasn't a particularly good memory, but at least we had managed to get what we went there for - two backpacks full of clothing.

Needless to say, as powerful as I was, I needed help with my control. I was like a ticking bomb, never knowing when or where I was going to go off. If we had to deal with the volatile, quickly changing emotions of newborns and, possibly, those of a darker nature from the Volturi, I needed to have it together. They couldn't hurt me, but they could hurt Jasper. I couldn't have that and I knew I wouldn't be able to fight them without him.

Jasper said, "We need to start training," almost replying to my thoughts.

I agreed whole-heartedly.

* * *

**Jasper**

Her fist came flying in my direction and I just dodged it. The move was the most obvious one to make, just like the kind a newborn would choose. Of course, she was fast. Faster than me. In fact, she was getting close to Edward's speed.

Another punch came, just missing my cheek. Her form was sloppy, but we didn't have time for those improvements right now. Victoria was obviously creating more and more vampire minions. Without Alice's foresight we were going into this blind and even with Bella's absolute immortality, it wasn't a sure thing that we would take Victoria out. I'd considered putting out a few phone calls to friends, but decided to wait until the battle with Maria for that. I was apprehensive, but oddly confident that we were going to make it through this.

Between Bella's raw strength, speed and durability and my battle expertise, I was certain that we could bring Victoria down. We just had to find the bitch first.

Victoria was very hard to track. It seemed that every time I got close, she found some way to throw me off of her trail. The woman was extremely resourceful, almost uncannily so. I had wondered if a manifested ability had something to do with that and considered perhaps that was why the sadistic James had kept her around. I could certainly use that to my advantage.

Bella landed a jab to my shoulder and the cracking sound was almost deafening. I flew back toward the trees in an odd angle. During the brief flight, I suspected that her intended target had actually been my face. My thoughts ceased as I connected with a tree and took it down with me into the thick snow.

"Jasper," Bella said softly. She was at my side, kneeled down, watching the venom stitch back together several cracks across the surface of my body. I hadn't even seen her move.

Had she… had she been _holding back_ on me?

Bella must have read my thoughts or my emotions - what couldn't she read these days? It was like the damn woman could read straight into my soul - for I watched as a sheepish grin crept across her face. I tried to test her emotions, but was finding that she was getting harder to read. Instead, I was left to interpret her expressions, her gestures, her posture and her eyes. Unlike my adoptive brother, of course, I wasn't blind without my gift. I practiced using it and not using it regularly. I wasn't anything if I wasn't prepared.

'I didn't want to hurt you, Jas,' she said quietly. It wasn't said aloud.

'Bella, since when could you project your thoughts?' I replied. I wasn't even surprised. Honestly, what couldn't she do?

She paused for a moment, before she softly said, 'I practiced briefly with Grace and wondered if I could do it with the non-fae. I guess I know now.'

I grunted. What was there to say? I didn't want to talk about my changed and highly absent sister Grace. That road lead to too many uncomfortable thoughts that only pissed me off further and I was already pissed enough. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop the track my train of thoughts was taking. For one, how long had she known that I was still alive? If she didn't change Bella, did she ever intend to tell me that it had been Maria who had murdered our parents? Did she ever fucking plan on letting me know that she was alive?

Shut up, Jasper. Focus on the task at hand.

I stood up and walked back out to our makeshift training field. When I looked to the right I noticed that Artemis and Metis were absent. They probably were frightened away by Bella's overwhelming aura of power. As much as I didn't care to admit it, I couldn't blame them. Only a fool ignored those things superior to him and Bella was certainly my superior in many ways. If she wanted to, she could kill me in a matter of seconds.

"Bella, this time, instead of sparring with you, I'm going to try something else. I want you to run through the series of moves that I showed you."

She strolled out into the middle of the field. Her face was set hard, determination evident in her posture, as she began. I admired the kicks and punches she made. They weren't perfect, but they were fluid and would do some heavy damage. I studied her form for awhile, calling out corrections here and there, until I felt that she had adequately let her guard down.

When the half-faerie made a jab, I sent a flash of calm her way. Instantly, as I suspected she would, Bella stopped her movements and focused on the sensation. She began gravitating toward me, desperately pulling more like one sucks up the last sip of a drink with a straw.

"Bell." My tone was stern and her head snapped up. A blush had colored her face and she looked ashamed. She began to apologize, but I wasn't having it. "Again."

She nodded once and resumed her earlier motions.

After that we fell easily into the solider and drill sergeant rolls. I continued sending her various emotions and corrections throughout the course of the day, while she struggled to remain focused on her task. It was extremely difficult for her and by nightfall we had made little progress. She was feeling mentally exhausted and I needed to feed after so much use of my power, so we decided to break for several hours.

Needing to stay still in meditation in order to cloak my scent, Bella stayed near the RV while I took off into the woods searching for the pups. I found them together several miles out. They growled softly when I neared, but I remained calm and still until they identified that I wasn't a threat.

"You ready to hunt?" I asked Artemis, allowing her to rub her cheek against my palm as I spoke.

In reply, when I began to run in the direction of a herd of bull moose about a mile out, she and her sister followed.

* * *

**Bella**

Jasper was fully satiated when he returned. I could hear the blood sloshing around in his stomach and smell its lingering scent. As in my human life, I found the smell and the thought of it to be nauseating. Then again, I did feed on the emotions of others. Who was I to judge?

Artemis and Metis where with him. For a moment, the girls hung behind Jasper, but when I gave them a radiant smile they ran to me. I allowed them to stroke their snouts against my palm as I laughed with joy. After awhile, they settled down around me and I snuggled back into their fur.

Hesitantly, I said, "Jas, we need to see if the Cullens are aware of Victoria and are planning on doing anything about it."

He smiled. He had suggested this about a week ago, but I wasn't ready to see Edward then. I still wasn't feeling confident about it, but it had to be done. Besides, I would rather see Edward in my spirit body when he couldn't sense me, than deal with him in the flesh.

Thankfully, Jasper hadn't questioned why I didn't want to see Edward. After my vehement no in response to his suggestion that we involve the Cullens in the coming battles, he had dropped the idea. Tracking Alice would also be useful in this endeavor, but I had decided not to suggest it. I know he wasn't ready to see her now, just as I didn't want to be near Edward. I was grateful that we understood each other in that way.

I closed my eyes and sunk my body back against the soft fur of the wolves' coats. We were lounging beneath an awning extending out from the RV, away from the snow. Being against the wolves, I was so warm, and it helped me to relax. It had been months since I had allowed myself to practice this particular skill, but I felt so worn from the training that slipping into a dream-like state was easy. Within moments, I was staring uncomfortably down at my very still, physical body.

"Did it work?" Jasper asked, pulling my attention away from the dead-looking me.

"Yes," I responded, but he didn't acknowledge it.

'Yes,' I tried sending to his mind and from the small jump he made, I could tell that my message had gotten through. 'I'll be back,' I added, before speeding off in the direction of the Cullen's Denali cabin.

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**A/N:** I didn't intend to resume this story so soon, but I couldn't help it. My creativity is refusing to bend to my will so… here we go. Another chappie. Not an extremely exciting one, but it gives a little insight into how the characters are feeling and shows that while Bella is impenetrable, her changes aren't without fault.

**Please read and review. Are we liking this Bella and this Jasper?**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	9. Victoria

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Victoria"

**Bella**

My ghost-like body propelled her toward the Cullen's log cabin. Pausing only when the dark wood that made up the walls of said log cabin came into sight, I debated over whether or not I could actually go in. Was I honestly ready to face the vampires - ones who I had begun to consider to be my second family - who had abandoned me? Was I actually ready to see them? Was I really ready to see _him_?

I forced down my fear and pushed myself forward. It didn't matter that I was worried about doing this - even if I wasn't ready. This wasn't about me. This was about Victoria. That bitch needed to die and I needed to make sure, no matter what, that it was going to happen. _Soon_.

The first person I came across when entering the cabin was Esme. She was sitting in front of an easel in a small room filled with a myriad of art supplies. Opened paint bottles and brushes of varying sizes scattered around a cup of black water resting on a table to her right. When I move around the easel, my eyes took in a wet, dark sunset descending behind soft mountains. I was awed by her work and yet, saddened.

Esme paused mid-stroke and starred at the spot just centimeters from the tip of her brush. I turned to face the vampire, and watched as the hard skin of her face visibly sunk. For the first time, Esme actually looked old enough to be Edward's mother. She was still a goddess, chiseled out of the prettiest of marble, but there was a weight on her shoulders that had aged her. The signs culminated primarily in her eyes, which starred at her melancholy piece in a gaze devoid of life and hope. I struggled to not look away.

Her grief was palpable, like a demon ridding the air, choking out the light. It was almost too much for me to take. I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of her depression, unable to find any relief. Tears began to slip from my eyes and it was only when they had nearly broken from my cheeks that I noticed something was off about them. I could feel them and they didn't feel wet. They felt hard.

My body froze as my solidified tears fell to the floor. As they moved down through the air, I willed the rest away, refusing to allow anymore to fall. Though it was pointless, I squeezed my lungs in anticipation as they hit the ground and bounced lightly several times. The sound was too soft for a human to detect, but there was no doubt in my mind that a vampire could hear it. My suspicions were confirmed when Esme's head instantly snapped up at the noise.

"What on Earth?" she whispered quietly to herself as her head darted left and right. I prayed that Esme wouldn't see what appeared to be tear-drop crystals on the floor. Unfortunately, today was just not my lucky day.

Esme bent down and picked up the several odd pieces of crystal. She let them fall into the center of her cupped palm and then she rolled her wrist. The vampire stared at them in both admiration and wonder. I was certain that it would be only a matter of time before she would go ask Carlisle about the pieces. After all, Jasper did tell me that Carlisle was _the_ walking dictionary of all things supernatural and otherwise out-of-the-ordinary. Whenever anything was too difficult for the Cullens to puzzle out, they turned to Carlisle.

As if on cue, the vampire exited what I assumed to be her private, art room. I followed after Esme, wishing against all odds that I could turn back time. I wanted to curse my maker for not telling me about this part of my change, but considered that maybe she didn't know. Even if she did, there was no use in crying over spilled milk now.

Mrs. Cullen made her way down a small hall and into a bedroom. Judging from the flawless interior, which was lacking in personality, I assumed it was the master bedroom she shared with Carlisle. I didn't have much time to ponder the room much, however, before she was down a hall and a flight of stairs. She was making her way toward a closed, wooden door on the first floor, which she raped on several times with the hand that wasn't clutching my crystal tears.

"Come in, Esme," Carlisle's unmistakable voice responded immediately. It was one so gentle and yet so full of authority. For a moment of nostalgia I recalled a kinder time, when Dr. Cullen had engaged me in a philosophical debate. Almost instantly, he had been like another father to me.

I felt my eyes begin to water and forced my thoughts back. I would not think about my own father right now.

"Carlisle, do you recognize these?" Esme asked, extending the hand cupping my tears toward him.

For several moments he stared at the pieces, his brows lightly scrunched together, puzzling out the strange objects. I watched him intently, so strongly that I didn't notice Edward come into the room.

"Are they Rosalie's perhaps?" he asked. His voice possessed a monotone that never was present before. It was infinitely worse and more painful than it had been the days before he left Forks.

I watched Carlisle shake his head, before plucking one of the crystals off of Esme's palm and bringing it closer to his eyes to better examine. So fiercely, I wanted to keep my eyes glued to the Doctor in his full on scientist mode, but my curiosity betrayed me. Ignoring my will, my head turned toward the eternal seventeen-year-old.

_Shit_. I wanted so strongly to tear my head away from Edward, but I couldn't. His eyes were sunken in, much more so than Esme's and the spark of life that I had always watched from behind those golden eyes was nonexistent. He looked like a zombie. Even though he was still immortal and, as much as I wanted to ignore it, undeniably beautiful, Edward looked like he was dying.

Ignoring my better judgment, I took a peek into Edward's mind. Big, humongous mistake! His focus on the current issue at hand comprised about ten percent of his overall thoughts. The other ninety percent centered on one thing: _me_. I was nearly his every thought, swirling around in his head like the fuel behind his every firing neuron.

Never more thankful to be able to shut my mind-reading ability off, I quickly closed my door to Edward's, internal, so-very-dark place. I still loathed him, but it was hard to actually hate such a pathetic creature. Since my transformation, I was so more fucked up than I had ever been, straddling the line between insanity and sanity, tipping just a little too far toward the former. Regardless, my own mental state did not even compared to the deluded place that was Edward Cullen's mind.

"Carlisle, we need to remain focused on the threat at hand. This can wait," Edward said to Carlisle in a tone that spoke more of companionship and less of a Father and son relationship. It was surprising to Bella, but less so than the words.

After nodding to Edward, Carlisle asked, "Esme, have you been able to get a hold of Alice?"

Dropping her head, she shook it sadly from side to side. Edward sighed loudly in frustration and Carlisle scanned the shelves of his office, deep in thought.

"We are going into this blind then," Carlisle said softly after a minute.

"The Denali's have agreed to lend their strength in the battle, sans Tanya of course," Edward said. He added as an afterthought, "She is still mysteriously absent."

Before I could hear anymore, I felt myself being torn from the house, rushing backward at impossible speeds. Within seconds, I had fallen back into my solid body and was blinking my eyes open. A wave of calm rushed at me and I tugged at it greedily, trying to assuage the throbbing feeling that clawed its talons through my insides. Since my change, I had never felt this much need. I felt like I was losing my mind.

"They're going after Victoria," I whispered before collapsing back against Metis.

* * *

**Jasper**

It was a simple plan. Victoria and her companions - including at least one other mature vampire - had frequented these forests for the last several weeks. Even though I had traveled the area for years, it didn't grant me an advantage. That gave us only one option: the element of surprise, which left me tracking the bitch and her minions. And while I hadn't had much time to train Bella in the art of destroying newborns, she was still my secret, impenetrable weapon.

Bella had sent the wolves away, vowing that we would find them again when the battle was over. I had run my hands over Artemis' snout before the two departed and had marveled at the affection she'd shown back. If someone would have told me years ago that I would have bonded with an animal - my very source of sustenance - I would have asked them where their marbles had gotten to. Then again, I never would have dreamed that I would be planning to attack a newborn army with only a half-faerie Bella.

After the bushy, gray tails had disappeared about a mile away, I turned to Bella.

"Keep close," I ordered and she nodded, allowing me to take command without protest.

Her emotions were behind a brick wall I couldn't break, but I could read the steady resolve in her shoulders and the strong determination in the tight line that was her mouth. She was ready for this and I felt a burst of confidence in our ability to succeed. As of today, Victoria would no longer be a threat to our families.

After about an hour of searching, my eyes fell on a disturbance some way off. I cut off the air flow to my lungs and signaled for Bella to do the same. In the distance, several bodies of various colors and sizes came into focus. They marched forward, looking hungry and committed in a manner that looked otherworldly. It was unnatural and, in the moment, my suspicions that Victoria indeed had a newborn army were confirmed.

I signaled for her to wait. Only when several bodies had crossed the invisible line around forty feet from our hiding place did I give the hand motion for "go". She took off, cutting through the air silently, only appearing again when her hands were tearing off the heads of two newborns. Another head was dismembered before I could even blink, but the element of surprise was now gone.

I moved from behind my rock and sprung forward onto the newborn army. They attacked Bella, but their blows didn't damage her and they were starting to panic. I tackled one to my left, pulling the head from his shoulders with less ease than Bella possessed. Another was at me from my right, but I bested it after a small struggle.

A vampire sunk her teeth into my right shoulder and I let out a scream. Bella was upon her before I could flip the girl over my shoulder. My friend ripped the head from the girl's body as I took off to decapitate a newborn who was fleeing. Few were remaining, most having taken off into the surrounding woods in blind fury upon seeing Bella in action.

"Don't let them get away," I snapped as I took off after another one.

The newborn, a tall, black man, sunk his teeth into my shoulder as I pulled the right arm from his body. I flipped him over and dropped my knees to the earth to behead the vampire immediately after. Tossing the head away from the body, I turned, seeking out another opponent, smiling when they landed on the brown hair of a boy.

He smiled back and didn't immediately storm me. From his scent and behavior, I knew he was the only other mature vampire in Victoria's charge. We moved in circles, sizing one another up. When his eyes brushed over my many scars, he showed a flicker of respect and I matched it when I took in his own.

"You are alive." There was no mistaking the feline voice of Victoria.

The gaze of the boy before me danced over to the redhead and I felt his love and concern waft over to me. When our eyes met again he looked at my oddly and I wondered if my own expression betrayed my thoughts. I had been in his shoes with Maria.

"And you are dead," Bella growled back at the same moment that the boy attacked me.

He got several bites in, - two to my arms and one to my shoulder - but he was no match for my years of training. I had done this song and dance for much longer then he had been living. In a moment that he was distracted, probably by the hiss of pain coming from Victoria, I was able to tear his head from my neck. I laid it down gently, a sign of respect to the mirror to my past, and looked over at Bella.

I felt fingers curl around my neck and tried to flip my assailant over me to no avail. She had me in a tight hold, I couldn't break and I was losing my focus in the wake of the complete wrath that had consumed her.

"Come closer and I will kill him, Bella," Victoria barked.

Bella tensed, the anger swirling wildly in her eyes. They were flashing a violent red, indicative of the effect Victoria was having on Bella. I tried to send some calm to her, but felt myself getting too swept up in the rage to do it.

"Let. Him. Go," Bella growled, each word punctuated by a step forward. She was about to burst and I knew it. Victoria seemed to know as well, for her hands tensed and I felt everything go black as a searing pain burst from my neck.

* * *

**An Unknown**

I watched in terror, peeking out from behind a boulder, as the redhead tore the head from the neck of the golden-eyed vampire and threw it forward. I pulled my knees in tighter to my chest, fearing what was likely to happen to me regardless of whichever side won. We had been taught to fear the golden-eyed vampires by a boy who tore the limbs from those who angered him and killed mercilessly whenever he appeared to feel like doing so. Either way, I knew I was done.

The brunette who had accompanied him - a human from what I could tell - let out a very inhuman scream. I covered my ears, but still felt them ringing when her roar had died. At a speed my eyes couldn't process she snatched the body of her companion into her arms. The redhead's eyes filled with terror matching my own as she stared down at her hands, processing the fact that nothing was in them anymore. After a second, she bolted as the brunette gently laid the body of her companion down on the ground.

The redhead was out of my sight, when the brunette turned to take off after the retreating woman. Once again, the human who was definitely not a human, moved at a speed my eyes couldn't see. After several seconds I heard a scream that wasn't the brunette's, followed by unending shredding noises. It didn't sound like the brunette was just tearing her foe to pieces. She was turning the redhead's body into confetti.

Before long the pungent smell of searing vampire flesh stung my nose. While it was a familiar scent - the amount of death I had witnessed since my turning was staggering - that did little to soothe my fears. I knew I should run now, but knowing and doing were two completely different things. As it was, I couldn't seem to move. The unyielding fear had me glued to the forest floor.

The brunette returned to the side of her companion. She looked around, her face contorted in panic, until her eyes fell on the man's head. After that, it was in her hands so fast, that I wondered if she moved at all or if she had simply willed it to her.

"Please," she begged aloud to no one in particular, as she held the head in the right position over the neck. Her hands pressed it down several times and she groaned loudly in frustration when nothing happened.

I knew limbs could take days to stitch back on. I also knew how painful the process was, having been on the receiving end of that particular form of torture twice. Fortunately - or not so much for the victims - nobody received the particular punishment that her friend had undergone. Those who had been decapitated in my camp were burned shortly thereafter.

I knew the man needed blood to help the process. I also knew, that voicing that aloud with undoubtedly get me killed. In silence, I might have a chance at surviving.

The brunette's head darted up and turned in my direction. Unintentionally, I sucked in an air of breath. Before I could blink, she was before me, her eyes blazing with a madness I had only ever read about it books.

"Please. I can help your friend," I said quickly when her fingers had curled around my neck.

My feet dangled in the air, as I prayed that my plan would work. I just needed her to spare me. Perhaps if I helped her friend to heal, she would let me live as well. After all, I had never wanted to help Riley and the redhead in the first place. I had never even wanted to become a vampire.

I felt my feet touch the earth and sent my thanks up to the heavens.

"How?" The woman demanded in a cold voice. I felt tendrils of something ghost across my mind as she said this and shivered uncomfortably.

She cocked her head to the side and opened her mouth as if to speak before something stopped her. Her head tilted to the side and her eyes went wide with panic. Turning abruptly, she raced to her companion's side and swung him over her right shoulder. In the left, she clutched his head tightly.

"You," she paused, waiting expectantly, her finger pointed to my chest.

"Bree," I supplied.

"Bree, follow me. Now," she growled and, without question, I followed her into the surrounding wood.

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**A/N: **I know Victoria's death was a little anticlimactic, but come on! Did you really think the idiotic, little redhead was going to be the big bad of this story? ;)

I haven't read "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella" - and don't plan on doing so after the horrible reviews. That being said, my Bree isn't going to fit with that story's cannon. If there are similarities between my Bree and Meyer's Bree then it wasn't intentional.

**Please read and review! Any ideas on what is going to happen to Jasper...?  
**

_~ Lucine Raven_


	10. Awakened One

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Awakened One"

**Edward**

A scream of absolute anguish ripped through the air and there was no mistaking the owner of the sound. Bella. _My_ Bella. Without thought, I propelled myself forward, searching out my love, praying with everything in me that she was safe.

When I came upon the area where the sound had originated from, I took in a most unexpected sight. Torn limbs of alabaster skin, crawled and rolled along the ground, searching out their bodies. Venom had been leaked across the floor in broken rivers and splatters. Footprints were laid out in twists and turns all over the ground. Several ran in different directions off into the woods, some undoubtedly successful and others feeble attempts at escape. Somewhere, off in the distance, I could smell the bitter-sweetness of burning, vampire flesh.

I took in a deep inhale, tasting the scents surrounding me. When I shifted through the smells unique to the forest and the many different vampires who had fought here, I came across one that was familiar. It was not Bella's unique fragrance. Not even a hint of her scent lingered in this air and I thought perhaps it had not been her who had screamed. Instead, I smelled Victoria. And Jasper.

'Shit. What went down here, Eddie?' Emmett asked mentally, once he had caught up with me. He could smell the redhead and our brother as well. His shoulders were tense and his brow, strained.

I barely raised my shoulders, too wrapped up in my own thoughts. Rosalie's head was buzzing loudly, practically shouting. She thought we should search all of the bodies for Jasper's, immediately. It was the only thing that pulled me out of my internal world.

My mouth opened as I prepared to utter an agreement with Rosalie's option. Before I could speak, however, I noticed motion to the right that caught my eye.

"Well, if it isn't Carlisle and what I presume to be your _family_," a shrill voice sliced through the air, emphasizing the last word in mockery. I assumed from Carlisle's past descriptions that she was Jane and the taller brunette behind her was her brother, Alec. She was flanked by two others of the Volturi guard, Demetri and Felix.

'Do not trust and most certainly do not underestimate any of them,' Carlisle warned as he said aloud, "Hello, Jane. This is my family." He pointed to each of us in turn. "My mate, Esme, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett."

"Its a pleasure to meet you," Esme said politely. She was the only one who did so. My siblings and I were more focused on making sure that if Jasper was present, he would make it safely back with us.

"We don't have time for this, Jane," Alec snapped.

"Indeed." She turned to the guard members and barked, "Burn the bodies. Newborns without a master will not be spared."

"Wait!" Rosalie shouted.

Four sets of ruby eyes snapped in her direction and Emmett pulled her tightly to himself, pushing her somewhat behind him.

Carlisle wanted to add his voice to Rosalie's as he abhorred the loss of life, but our family took priority over his compassion for the . We may have outnumbered the Volturi, but we did not possess superior strength. If we gave them any cause to kill us, knowing the Volturi, they would. It would require delicacy and sacrifice to make certain that Jasper would come out of this safely.

"If you would be so kind, Jane, as to allow us to first search the remains for my son-"

"Son," Felix scoffed.

"Our companion," Carlisle amended. The vampires of the Volturi Guard saw any sort of familial ties as human and therefore, beneath us. "We believe he may be among those dismembered in this fight."

"Even if that is the case, you have no means by which to prove his innocence. We are on direct orders from Aro to clean this up as quickly as possible. We do not have the time required for his head to reattach so that he may plead his innocence." Jane said flatly, showing no sorrow whatsoever for our loss.

'Edward, Jasper's scent does not linger here. It carries off up ahead. He may not be among those fallen here,' Esme's words rang with conviction.

It was a rare moment that Carlisle's patience ever wore thin. As it was, his thoughts had turned dark and the general air of kindness he possessed was cracking under the pressure of losing one close to him. I felt him preparing to launch an argument that would undoubtedly put us all in danger and I knew I needed to stop it.

"Yes, of course, Jane," I said quickly.

I met Carlisle's eyes and begged him to see the reason behind my words. If ever there was a time that I wished my ability allowed me to project my thoughts to another, it was now.

'I trust your judgment son,' his mind whispered and I barley contained a sigh of relief.

Felix and Demetri collected the body parts and assembled them into a pyre that they lit shortly thereafter. As we watched, Esme couldn't help sobbing quietly onto Carlisle's shoulder as he rubbed her back soothingly. Each of us was looking for a trace of the side that had dispatched the newborns.

"Jane," he said politely to the girl as she was clearly in charge of their operation, "if you would excuse us now, my family and I were in the middle of a hunt when we heard the disturbance here."

She chuckled, winked at Esme and turned around, exiting our unplanned gathering without another word. Alec followed behind, his steps slow and deliberate, while Demetri and Felix waited until they could bury the remains.

Once the last of the ashes were buried and the Volturi were no longer a threat, Rosalie began to run. She moved along the trail of Jasper's scent, and I followed quickly behind, surpassing her in a manner of seconds. I inhaled and noted that two other scents were alongside Jasper's. One belonged to a vampire, possibly a newborn, and the other to something entirely different. It wasn't of an animal nor was it human. It also wasn't of a vampire, yet somehow it was oddly familiar to me. I just couldn't put my mind on why.

After awhile the trail died. It was there, faint, but present, and then it just wasn't. It didn't fade away nor was it masked by something else. Somehow the group was there and then they simply vanished into thin air.

Words didn't need to be said among us to convey how we were each feeling. Regardless of the danger, we would find Jasper.

* * *

**Bella**

We evaded the Cullens, but only just barely. After awhile of running, I realized a clear trail of our scents was being left behind like a neon arrow leading any who followed directly to us. I stopped after that, passing Jasper's head to Bree, too numb from the adrenaline to recognize how morbid the action was. Scaring her, I grabbed her hand. I discovered that, when the moment demanded it and I didn't have the time to doubt myself, I could extend my cloak entirely over the three of us. Once we could no longer be tracked, we continued to run for another hour. By the time we stopped, we were somewhere in Canada.

Blood was needed in order for the venom to be able to fuse vampire limbs back together. That is what Bree had told me. So, with that in mind, I raced toward the sound of several racing hearts. I grabbed the moose, one for each hand, and raced back to Jasper, snapping their necks in the process.

The girl looked at the animals with a confused expression, but overall she remained wary. She believed she was going to die by my hand, but she was wrong. A lone newborn traveling without a mature vampire to watch over him or her was punishable by death. And, if Jasper had been right about the likely presence of the Volturi in Alaska, then those vampires I had sensed watching the battle were Volturi. They would find Bree and kill her without a moment's hesitation. I would protect her from this - if she agreed to change her diet, of course - in exchange for her help.

I passed a moose over to Bree and cracked the neck off the one I still held. Normally, the smell of blood and the repulsive situation I had found myself in would be nauseating to me, but I was too concerned for Jasper to care.

"Where do I pour?" I demanded.

"If I may," she began her voice dropping as she went along, "why are you using animal blood? Don't you need a human's blood?" Her lip was quivering slightly.

"Where do I pour?" I growled louder, ignoring her ignorant questions.

"I-In the b-b-body," she stammered.

I began pouring blood into Jasper's core, supporting it by resting his back against my chest. I had Bree stand and hold the backside of the moose aloft as we drained it. When the animal had nothing left to give, we repeated the process with the other one. Only when the animals were fully bled did I press the base of Jasper's head to his neck.

"How long?" I bit the words out with a coldness that surprised even me.

"I don't know how long it will take exactly." My eyes grew wide in anger and she sped up her next statement. "I-It takes s-several days for an a-arm to r-r-reattach. I don't know a-a-about a h-h-h-head." A sample of her emotions proved that she was telling the truth.

It was all too much. Today I had taken life so quickly that I couldn't even recall just how many I had killed. Victoria was gone, but that hadn't removed the wound that ran through my heart. It was one that remained in the memory of what could have been, had that monster been allowed to live. And now, of all things, Jasper was headless and I couldn't seem to put him back together.

I giggled. Oh shit! I was losing it.

Bree's anticipation and worry weren't appealing in the least, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from drawing them into me. I yanked her emotions into myself until I began to hyperventilate. She collapsed to the floor, drained, while the affects of her feelings continued to reek havoc on my mind.

"Jas," I whispered, pulling his body harder against my own.

His skin of his neck was expanding upward, reaching toward the head I held to it. The growth was minimal, but it was just enough that I could see it with my magnified eyesight. Still, it was so slow and I had no idea whether or not even if the head did rejoin the body, Jasper would come back to the, well, undead. I needed him. He had to live.

I felt something swirling in my stomach, pushing against my insides. The pressure grew there, expanding alongside the feeling until I could barely contain it. The energy needed out and I closed my eyes as it began to crawl up my throat. In a rush so violent that it lifted my body from the ground, the power burst forth from my mouth.

When I opened my eyes everything around me was made of vibrating color. It moved in streams like veins that collected in different areas. In contrast, the energy that had burst forth from my body appeared like a gray fog, spreading slowly outward. The mist's edges reached out like many thin arms that wrapped around the rivers of colorful energy. These extensions continued to lengthen, curling around the colorful veins, pulling the color into itself until the world around me fell gray. After, the mist, now pulsating with vivid color of every hue, collected itself into a ball.

While I was amazed by the process, it did not distract me from my worry over Jasper. I needed him to be well. The emptiness inside of me longed for his companionship. I needed his rare smiles, his southern drawl, growing a little more defined each day, and his intriguing stories. I needed Jasper to live. I wanted it.

The colorful sphere slowly began to descent into the cluster of energy veins before me. When the ball touched them it burst through the veins, releasing the color into them. I watched until the area began blazing a blinding white, forcing me to close my eyes.

When I cracked my eyes open again, I wrinkled my brow in disbelief. The world around me was devoid entirely of life. Trees and shrubbery were pale with death and a ridiculous amount of animal and bug corpses littered the ground in disorganized piles. Everything literally looked like the life had been sucked out of it.

A gasp escaped my lips.

"Bell?" Jasper croaked.

Slowly I dropped my gaze to the man in my lap. My eyes met those of a vibrant green.

"Isabella! What have you done?"

Grace had me at the place between dimensions before I could even look up at her. When my feet felt ground beneath them again, I turned to face my elder faerie. Her shoulders were tense and her eyes blazed red. Her hands were shaking slightly and, for the first time, Grace looked like she might actually lose it.

"What were you thinking, Isabella?" she nearly screamed.

My forehead lifted as I replied, "About what?"

"Your creation," she snapped, as if it answered anything.

"Oh _that_." I rolled my eyes. Truly, I had had enough of her tearing me out of my world every time she damn well felt like it.

"This is no time for joking," she continued, her eyes still like the tip of a heated poker. "You have done something irreversible, Isabella. Something that will change the fate all."

What the hell was she talking about?

"You understand nothing!"

Well clearly.

"You must understand that when you attempted to help Jasper you unleashed your awakening energy. Unknown to you, Isabella, by doing this you inadvertently created what we refer to as an Awakened One."

"Awakened One?"

"Indeed." She paused for a moment, perhaps lost in thought, while I anxiously awaited her explanation. Had I done something terrible to Jasper?

She smiled and her eyes settled into a muted yellow. It was a peaceful color reminding me of sunflowers and of Jasper's curly locks.

"On the contrary, Isabella. You have, in fact, given Jasper some of his humanity back."

What? How?

"The power of awakening comes from within us. It stems from our own source of energy and bends to the deepest desire of our will. It can be used to give or return life to something, but it is always at the cost of the life of another. While this talent can be useful, the control of this ability is loose at best even for those who boast of its mastery.

"When you wished for life to be returned to Jasper, you gave rise to your awakening magic. Unknowingly, you reawakened some of Jasper's lost humanity when you willed that power to enter him. Your intentions, while good at heart, cost so much, Isabella. Not only did you deprive an area of earth of its ability to ever again generate life, but you gave away some of your own."

"What?" I practically squeaked.

"Isabella," she warned, "let me finish." Without waiting for a response, she continued with her explanation. "I haven't much time. I need to get you back to Jasper. You need to listen now.

"Many years in the past - more than you can even conceive of - the true fae came to earth. These survivors, in search of immortality, had unintentionally taken the life energy of their home planet and people when they unleashed the magic necessary for the transformation. While they had gained what they sought, it was at a terrible cost to them. Their race was no longer capable of childbirth.

"The fae are not a race of solitary beings. We take pleasure and comfort in the company of our own. The ability to pass energy on to one's child through birth and to nurture that energy as the child grows is every faerie's ultimate desire. We rejoice in the dance of energy, in the cycle of life and death, that permeates that flow. To be a part of that dance, is sacred to us.

"When the fae could not longer reproduce, they turned to the next closest source of life. They attempted to draw the ability to reproduce out of the humans of earth. When that did not work, they began experimenting with converting the humans into faeries, hoping that the ability to procreate would carry through the transformation.

"The first attempt was done through sharing of the physical body. The fae aimed to physically alter the human through changes to the body. Thus, the first werewolf was born.

"The second attempt was made through a transfer of a fae's lifeblood, the physical counterpart of our energy. This faerie fed the lifeblood to a human and created the first vampire.

"The third attempt consisted of sharing a fae's energy with a human. This experiment was a success. They were able to convert the humans to a state somewhere half between faerie and human. Eventually they were able to teach the humans to make a full transformation, but with immortality came the inability to physically grow. Those in that stagnant state lost their reproductive capabilities.

"The fae do not believe in senseless killing of their own. Those who created the werewolf and the vampire sought to protect them, as they considered their creations to be their children. They bound themselves to their charges so that the other fae could not destroy them. They made it impossible for a full fae to kill a vampire or a werewolf.

"There were others who grew to love the vampire and werewolf races. They saw the damage that those beings were causing and tried returning their humanity to them. It was unsuccessful. The full-fae no longer possessed the sort of energy consistent with the humanity needed to return vampires and humans to their original state.

"Very few half-fae do not choose to make the full transformation. Those who forgo it by the end of their first year, have always been known to lose their sense of reason. There is a belief among our people that a half-fae, still maintaining a tie to their humanity, could restore humanity to one being, vampire or werewolf. Until now, it was only a theory."

When her voice had died, I realize that I was now sitting where I had once been standing on the ground. I stared off at the pretty flowers around us and thought about how peaceful they looked. How nice it would be to be a plant, oblivious to anything other than fulfilling my basic necessities.

"Isabella, you need to focus right now." Her eyes were wide and I noticed for the first time that her skin was fading in and out.

"Not all of the fae have the same intentions. There are those of us who possess a darker nature. They call themselves the Svartálfar. They hunger for feelings like fear and they take great joy in taking it from others. They would have this world for their own, using the humans as their own, personal sustenance.

"Now that Jasper is an Awakened One by your hand, you two possess a bond. Your lives our forever intertwined. You have to protect him, Isabella. My people can only frequent this dimension, the place where your earth exists, for short periods of time. The Svartálfar have believed that if an Awakened One could be made, he or she could be used to allow them permanent access to this dimension. When they learn of Jasper, the Svartálfar will come for him."

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**A/N: **If anyone is wondering why the Cullens could detect Jasper's scent remember that Bella can only cloak him when she is meditating on it. Also, "la tua cantante" is the Italian phrase meaning "your singer". "Svartálfar" is old norse for "dark elves" or "black elves".

Don't expect such frequent updates always... I am just so caught in this story right now I can't seem to stop writing :~). So excited about where it is going!

Share your thoughts!

_~ Lucine Raven_


	11. Coming Together

Lotus Fervor

By Lucine Raven

"Coming Together"

**Jasper**

I launched to my feet after Bella disappeared from above me. Before I could really process the speed at which I moved - it reminded me of my time as a newborn - I took in the state of the surrounding area. The air reeked of the death that littered the forest floor and clung to the pale, lifeless trees. My hand clamped over my nose and I shut off the air flow to my lungs. The odor was beyond nauseating. It was murderous, slinking on top of the air, seeking out any source of life to drain.

"Jasper." It was Bella behind me. My name slipped quietly from her lips.

When I turned, I saw that she was standing alone, her body strained in such a manner that she appeared to be holding herself back. I had assumed upon her disappearance that Grace was the cause and would be with her now.

I starred at Bella for a moment, my eyebrows knitting together. When did her eyes become so vividly green? The irises danced in her face like a liquid vortex of metallic lime, spinning round and round. My core propelled me slowly forward, drawn to Bella and that otherworldly green. It - she - had some hold on me. I needed to be closer to her.

She held her arms open to me and I eagerly stepped into her embrace. When my flesh made contact with hers I sighed and couldn't stop myself from burying my nose into the crook of her neck. My chest rumbled in delight as I inhaled the fresh scent of earth and life mingling with the subtle echo of freesia from her human life. Why did she smell like this? And why did I want it so much?

My tip of my tongue ran up her neck, tasting the flesh that held the source of that delightful smell from me. She shivered from within my grip, her soft arm hair brushing just barley against my skin with each, miniscule movement. The rumbling in my chest grew louder as I peeled back my lips and sunk my teeth into her flesh.

Bella gasped in pain, which soon molded into pleasure in the form of a soft moan as I sucked at the opening I had created. A substance somewhere between liquid and a mist ran into my mouth and exploded against my taste buds. I continued to draw it into me, allowing her essence to course down my throat, as I tried to name the flavor. It was sweet and yet spicy, popping against my tongue like the Peruvian lilies on Isle Esme, their seeds bursting against anything nearby whenever they scattered. Her taste was of a paradise that I just couldn't name.

"Jasper," she whispered again, her moans becoming louder and heavier.

Fingers so small and thin wrapped into my hair, as her arms pressed into my back. Somewhere in my mind, without words or sensations to communicate the desire, I knew what Bella needed. Fueled by the liquid, I was able to summon the necessary calm with little effort. I bathed us in it, allowing her to pull the emotion into herself.

"Thank you." Her gratitude was so hushed, almost strained.

We continued the cycle, pulling the sustenance from one another that we so desperately wanted and needed. It was a never-ending circle that wouldn't reach completion until we broke apart. Neither was able to drain the other, for what was taken was just as easily replenished by what was given. It was a symphony of yearning, of moaning, of purring as we continued to give and take with everything in us.

A gasp pulled us out of the trance we had found ourselves in. I pulled my lips from Bella's neck and she unlaced her fingers from my hair. The wound on her neck stiched back together in second as I cut off the flow of calm.

"I-" someone began.

I looked at the girl to the right of my feet and sampled her emotions. She was so confused and unsure that it was likely she didn't know how to finish her sentence. As I came back to myself, I understood her plight. Even I didn't know how to make sense of what had just happened.

When I turned back to Bella, I willed her to somehow understand that I needed answers for questions I didn't know how to phrase. As I waited, I tried forcing my mask back on, struggling to achieve the level of calm collectedness that I was so used to maintaining. Instead of succeeding, I was assaulted by a memories that were not my own. In them, I watched from someone else's eyes as Victoria beheaded me. But that didn't make sense! I knew from Carlisle's warnings, having discussed it with him on several occasions, that it took over a year for a vampire's head to reattach to the body. Even then, it was uncertain whether the vampire would return to his own consciousness. Thus, it was impossible that I was functioning again this quickly, with my head fully reattached.

I rubbed at my neck as another memory took hold. It came in flashes. Bella was running with my body. She was with the girl, the newborn vampire who I could feel now standing next to me. Then they stopped, trying to fill my body with blood to force the process of healing to speed up, but it was to no avail.

"Jasper, I'm sorry," she began, but I was too deep in another memory to hear the rest.

In this recollection, a power emerged from Bella. It seized the life around it, taking until everything in the surrounding area had died. Finally, it descended into me, stitching my neck back together with grand ease and returning me to consciousness. That explained why I was functioning so normally.

I took a step back from Bella, suddenly afraid of her. The powers this woman possessed were staggering. What couldn't she do? The possibilities ran endlessly through my mind. Would she grow to abuse these abilities? Would she be mentally changed?

Her face dropped, but I ignored it as I was assaulted with another memory. My sister had come to take Bella to the place she called 'A Place Between Dimensions'. There she discussed the plight we now found ourselves in. A group called the Svartálfar would come for me, keen on somehow opening the door between my world and their own through me. In that moment the knowledge of the creation of my kind barley entered my thoughts.

I took a breath I didn't need, in an attempt to settle myself. It didn't help, but I pressed on anyway.

"Where are we, Bell?"

"Somewhere in Canada," she responded quickly, unable to hide a small smile. A flicker of hope danced through her eyes. I assumed she was relieved that I was speaking to her again.

"Then we will stay here for now while I develop a plan of action," I said, my voice hallow. I didn't like being in a situation like this. All options seemed hopeless, but I'd be damned if I didn't find a way to make it out of this alive.

She nodded and I stuck my hand in my pocket, amazed that my cell was still in one piece. I pulled it out and flipped it open. When I dialed an all too familiar number, I was further shocked that the call went through. After several rings, the recipient of my call answered.

"Hello," I said into the receiver.

* * *

**Bree**

I flopped over on my bed, staring up at the smooth wood of the ceiling. Smiling, I sank back into the thick layer of soft pillow and curled my body into the thick, down comforter. It wasn't that I hadn't had comfort like this before. The memories were faint, but I could recall having a large bed at my parents home and never wanting for anything. Still, the more vivid memories I had were of Riley's red eyes, of crouching behind trash cans and anything else I could to hide behind when the other newborns took their aggression out on each other and of mostly of pain. Those were the clearest recollections that gripped my mind and refused to let go.

Snuggling further down into the covers, trying to force back my dark train of thought, I stared out at the large, open window. The sun was rising over the mountains, bathing the snow in the many hues of its warm light. The ground from here looked like a valley of daffodil, gold yarrow, california poppy and wallflower admits an ocean of white daisies.

My head turned to a floor mirror several feet from the foot of my bed and I took in my reflection. I was often self-conscious in life, yet I could not deny the beauty of the girl looking back at me. My hair sang with color, tumbling down my back like autumn. It framed the flawless skin of my face, occasionally releasing a strand that flickered against my long lashes and caressed the soft edges of my petite nose.

The corners of my lips rose while my chest sunk down. I might be beautiful, even alluring, but it was all a ruse. Sunlight on snow. Beauty on a monster. Like the morning light covered the cold of the snow, creating a guise of warmth, my seductive yet gentle features concealed the demon beneath. Only the red of my eyes betrayed the truth.

I pushed myself off of the bed, swinging my legs slowly over onto the floor. How I longed to bury my head beneath my sheets to keep myself from seeing my reality. Instead, I forced myself to walk over to the mirror and stare into my reflected eyes. At Bella's insistence, Jasper was training me to be what his kind jokingly called a vegetarian vampire. He was instructing me in how to use the blood of animals to curb my blood lust and satiate my thirst. Part of that training involved the practice I was carrying out now.

My eyes held those of my reflection and forced myself to remember. Though I gazed into my own reflection, it was not myself that I saw. On the contrary, I was outside, only some thirty miles from our home as Jasper did not like journeying too far from Bella. A man, a lone hiker with only his black lab to keep him company, was supported by my grip. My teeth were deep in the flesh of his neck, as I sucked greedily at my own ambrosia, before Jasper came to join me at my side. I paused, preparing to defend my kill, but Jasper did not try to stop me. Instead, he allowed me to drain the human dry, savoring the saccharine elixir, as he used his power to project the man's torment onto me.

I focused my vision on that red and drove the memories on. The pain of the man was my pain. I ingrained it into my body, into every moment I felt the strength from his blood feeding the venom that coursed through my veins. I heard his screams followed by fading pleas, pushing them to echo continuously through my mind. I felt his fear, his torment, his absolute anguish, and his unending sadness as if they were my own. The pain of the man as I robbed him of his life was now mine to bear. I would not forget. I would remember and let it fuel my will to never take another human's life.

When I was finished for the day, the sun told me that it was sometime around noon. I showered, letting the water wash away my self-hate as it spilled over my flesh. Bella, the sunshine to Jasper's ice, insisted that I could not go around loathing myself all the time because fate had delt me an ugly hand. She argued that it was not my fault that I drank human blood before for I hadn't been shown any other way. In her eyes, the potential to be a demon was in everyone and the only real demons were the ones who gave into their dark side without remorse.

'You can't give back what fate has dealt you, Bree. You can only choose how to respond into it,' she had told me with a smile on her face. I appreciated her take and knew that so long as I existed, I would never take another human life.

With my thoughts slightly warmer, I made my way out of my room and down the stairs. When I rounded the corner heading for the living room I found myself in the middle of one of the arguments that had been growing in number ever since Jasper purchased this house three days ago.

"We are not involving them in this, Jas," Bella snapped.

"That is not your call to make, Bell," Jasper said calmly back, though his green eyes were blazing.

She stomped her foot in agitation and I tried my best to remain silent as I turned to exit the scene unnoticed.

"Bree!" Bella called.

I silently cursed my bad luck.

"Good afternoon!" I said forcing cheer into my voice. The formal greeting I had chosen called back a memory of my Mother instructing me in my manners. I remembered her being an extremely polite, poised woman and, as her daughter, she had attempted to instill that demeanor into me. I liked to think that she had succeeded and, in honor of her, would not let her lessons be forgotten.

Jasper looked at me oddly and it took me a moment to realize why. Bella had said that he was an empath, didn't she?

Smiling faintly, I shrugged.

"Just remembering," I said softly, letting the silence fill in the gaps. He seemed to accept that, nodding, as his eyes temporarily glazed over perhaps in his own recollection of the past.

Before either could renter the debate, dragging me into it like two, rabid dogs playing a game of tug-o-war, I brought to their attention my thirst. Of course, I wasn't actually in need of sustenance, but the tiny lie easily beat the alternative. The two simply could no agree over whether or not to contact the Cullens. Jasper wanted to contact the leader of his former family, Carlisle, and ask him for information on the fae. Bella was entirely against the idea, favoring not involving the family. It was the reason she grabbed Jasper's phone and crushed it before he could glean any information from Carlisle.

"Have a good hunt," Bella called as we made out way out the door. She was heading in the opposite direction, making her way outside to undoubtably meditate. She preferred to be outside during the practice as she worked to cloak Jasper and myself.

"Thank you!" I called back as I opened the front door and crashed straight into a hard body.

Large hands wrapped around my shoulders and gently pushed me back. I looked up, embarrassed, into eyes of vibrant honey. They were the very color Jasper told me my eyes would become as I continued to drink the animal blood.

"Pardon me, Miss, but-" the boy in front of me began before his vision fell on Jasper.

The boy's mouth opened and his lips formed the name, "Jasper," without any sound. He looked at Jasper, then at me, pausing on my eyes, and then back at Jasper. One of his eyebrows rose. A breathtakingly gorgeous woman behind the boy pushed him out of the way and threw her arms around Jasper.

"Rose," Jasper said affectionately as she sobbed his name over and over into his shirt. If she could cry, the material would undoubtably be thoroughly soaked by now.

"Bro," a bear of a man shouted, his hand coming down roughly on Jasper's back.

I heard a gasp from Bella and smelled Jasper's scent, leather, oak and the sweetness of our venom, return. It was followed by a slow and deep breath that one might take before entering into a battle. Shortly thereafter, I heard the back door slide open and waited for Bella to appear, surprised at the downtempo of her pace. Finally, she appeared before us causing a wave of gasps rise up around me.

"Bella," the male newcomers said in unison.

The woman, Rose, removed her face from Jasper's chest and looked over at Bella. She barley whispered, "But you were dead."

The boy who had a head of tossled, blond hair had Rose against the wall, his hand around her neck before anyone could react.

"What are you talking about, Rose?" he growled through his teeth.

The mammoth man and Jasper pulled the boy back, forcing him to release his hold on Rose. He struggled against their tight grip, but couldn't break free. He hissed and growled like a wild animal, his fully black eyes the strongest indicator of the monster he had released.

"What the fuck is your problem, Edward?" the giant man growled, shaking the boy in his grasp several times to add emphasis to his words. "Get a hold of yourself, man!"

A wave of calm moved through the air, relaxing all of us and causing Bella to moan. At the sound of the noise, Edward ceased his fight and snapped his head toward Bella. His eyes softened and the men released him.

"Don't ever fucking touch me like that again," Rose growled, cracking his cheek with the palm of her hand.

Edward's eyes remained glued on one thing: Bella. He barely responded to the blow from Rose, too transfixed on the woman of his interest, a look of wonder and shock thick in his eyes when I turned to her. I noticed that she was shifting uncomfortably trying to avoid his gaze.

"How?" Rose asked, finally shattering the silence.

Jasper moved near Bella as she sighed. He put his hand on her shoulder, likely giving her a dose of calm as he eyes flickered gently closed. Edward growled menacingly and headed in Bella's direction as well before the large man stopped him.

"It's a long story, Rosalie," Bella replied when she had found her voice.

Bella turned and moved in the direction of the living room. Jasper ushered the rest of us in that direction and offered everyone a seat. Before Edward could sit down, presumedly near Bella, Jasper swooped in next to her. A look of annoyance crossed Edward's features and he chose to remain standing. Rosalie and the bear-sized man took a couch opposite of Bella's, while I hung off to the side feeling out of place.

"What are you?" Rosalie asked rather candidly in my opinion. No one else acted surprised, however, most likely due to the fact that her bluntness was a predominant facet of her personality.

Jasper grabbed Bella's hand and she said, "Faerie or, more accurately, part-fae. An awakener since Jasper got his head knocked off."

The man to her right chuckled, looking around at all of the raised eyebrows.

"She is being serious," he insisted in a tone that left no room for argument.

"A faerie? Seriously?" The big guy asked, halfway between a chuckle and absolute confusion.

Bella nodded and held her hand up to stop the sudden influx of questions. She explained her turning into a part-fae by a maker she chose not to name. She told them how she and Jasper had come together and killed Victoria. I was mentioned after she described the battle and introductions were made all around. Finally, Bella and Jasper explained the situation they were in due to his Awakened nature.

Edward pulled a cellphone out and dialed the number for the leader of the coven. The one who they called Carlisle answered on the first ring and within moments he was on his way. In the meantime, I showed our guests around the home while we waited.

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**A/N**: Sorry it has been so long since the last update. Real life has really been catching up for me. I can't promise that the next update will be soon, but I can assure you that I know where the store is going. When I can update again, I will. In the meantime, please read and review.

_~ Lucine Raven_


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